Fem Shepard's Personal Data Logs AISF
by Octoberskys
Summary: Fem Commander Shepard's Personal Data Log Entries prior to her 1st death in 2183. Coupling with Liara, BFF with Tali Z'orah, and tid bits of others; Hannah Shepard, Lt Alenko, Matriarch Benezia. AISF - As I See Fit
1. Chapter 1 Welcome Aboard

Disclaimer: I don't own any materials or character's belonging to Mass Effect or BioWare. I simply borrow ideas for my own pleasure and hopefully bring some entertainment to others; at no benefit of my own.

Female Shepard/Paragon/Spacer/War Hero/Soldier/Favorite Weapon Assault Riffle named Maggie.

Coupling with Liara. If you don't like that sort of thing, please don't read any further. Thank you and enjoy the ride!

*Feedback welcomed*

Commander Shepard's Personal Data Log Entries prior to her 1st death in 2183.

************TOP SECRET*****CLASSIFIED INFORMATION*****Level 6 Clearance Required**********

**Commander Katherine Shepard Personal Data Logs**

**Commanding Officer SSV Normandy: Frigate - Battle Class **

**Systems Alliance Starship - Earth**

**Data Log Entry: 21830612**

**I, Commander Katherine Jane Shepard, formally Executive Officer of the SSV Normandy officially assumes command as acting Commanding Officer of the SSV Normandy. **

**Authorization Code: K9018725-MT - I now have the con. **

This afternoon I was designated as the first human Spectre for the Citadel Council. Being a Citadel Spectre comes with great advantages; they gave me the Normandy. I feel exhilarated yet sadden that I have assumed the position of Commanding Officer from Captain Anderson. I spoke to him moments before I assumed command of the Normandy and he told me that being conflicted about these new responsibilities meant I was exactly the right person for the job. He assured me he would be fine helping promote human interest on the Citadel. I wouldn't be surprised if he just said that to ease my mind. He always knew what to say to me. He has been my mentor and friend. Captain Anderson, I hope I can live up to your expectations and I don't let you down. You have taught me well. My mission; bring the rogue Spectre Saren Arterius to justice.

Commander Katherine Jane Shepard, Alliance Soldier/ Spectre

Commanding Officer, SSV Normandy


	2. Chapter 2 Planetside  Therium

**Data Log Entry: 21830616 **

- 0630 hours

The Citadel Council is sending us to the Artemis Tau Cluster looking for Matriarch Benezia's daughter; who is a Prothean Professor. She is supposed to be a leading expert in Prothean technology. Matriarch Benezia was a prominent asari figure who conspired with the rogue Spectre Saren on Eden Prime. Matriarch Benezia was identified on an audio recording that Tali retrieved, after tearing apart an active Geth. Whatever Saren was looking for on Eden Prime, had something to do with that Prothean Beacon. It makes sense why Saren wants a Prothean expert on his team. She would be able to interpret whatever information he found on Eden Prime. My mission: capture or kill the Prothean Professor.

- 2230 hours

Today turned out to be an interesting day. Saren must have really wanted the Prothean Professor because, the second we landed on Therum, we were constantly pounded on by two squadrons of Geth. They were everywhere. When it was over, I felt we gave them a good ass whipping although I'm not sure the Mako will ever be quite the same again.

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I'd find the Prothean Professor. Taking the elevator down into the ruins I remember thinking; this professor must be of great importance to Saren. I can think of no other reason he would dedicate such extreme resources into retrieving her. I briefly thought, being the daughter of his co-conspirator, she's going to put up a hell of a fight and I knew I had to be ready to put her down, if necessary. As we were stepping into the second elevator, I ordered my squad, "Lock 'n load people and stay frosty. It's about to get ugly."

We finally reached the bottom of the dig site after taking out a few Geth along the way. As I stepped off the elevator I spotted her off to the left; Professor Liara T'Soni. She was suspended in a bubble behind a Prothean barrier curtain. Somehow she had accidently trapped herself in there and was begging to be let out. My first impression was one of amusement, "This is what all the fuss was about?" She looked pathetic just hovering there; arms and legs stretched out. Once we freed her, I was able to ask a few questions about her mother and Saren. She seemed genuinely shocked; in fact, almost traumatized. She spoke with such frailty. It was hard to believe she could hurt a Hanarfly; much less joins sides with the most wanted villain alive. However, something about her made me trust her right away. I hope I'm not wrong.

During the mission's debrief, the Professor seemed emotionally weak. She had just learned the true fate of the Protheans; a race which she had studied for 50 years. In fact, it looked like she was going to faint. She thought she might have been hanging there in that bubble for a couple of days. Now that she has joined the Normandy, she informed me that the crew looked upon her with uneasiness. From what she relays, she has never had much interaction with others, much less humans. I can only imagine that she must feel like an insect in a glass jar. I almost feel sorry for her.

Several hours later, I spoke with Professor T'Soni to see how she was doing. She said Dr. Chakwas helped her re-hydrate, "efficiently enough". She commented how impressed she was with Dr. Chakwas' knowledge of asari physiology. When I asked her to tell me more about herself she spoke so eloquently and innocent; definitely not the mind of a criminal. She reported she had no idea her mother was working with Saren but it had been years since they had last spoke. I could hear some tension in her voice when she spoke of her relationship with her mother. She continued that Benezia was known to be a great leader of her people and was often outspoken about galactic peace. It baffled her that Benezia, of all people, would be working with Saren; a rogue Spectre. She couldn't comprehend why this was happening. After we talked for a while I told her to get some rest. She had a hell of a day.

As I was walking to my quarters I thought about how the young professor made me laugh, despite everything that happened today. She informed me how intrigued she was that I had been touched by the Prothean Beacon on Eden Prime. I jokingly told her that she sounded as if she wanted to dissect me in a lab for further inspection. She became very flustered and claimed that she only meant I would make for an interesting specimen for an in-depth study, which only embarrassed her further. I don't know much about Asari biology but I have to say, she blushed pretty hard. She was terribly worried she had offended me. It really made me chuckle; something I haven't done in a long time. Something about her intrigues me too. I look forward to discussing more about Matriarch Benezia and the Protheans when time allows. Again my gut is telling me she is on our side. But I will have to keep a close eye on her in case I'm wrong, which rarely happens.

- Commander Shepard Out

Oh Shit! I just realized I haven't told my mom about taking command of the Normandy. I've only been in for 10 years and already have command of my own ship. She's been serving her whole life and she's only the XO; second in command of the Kilimanjaro. What is she going to say? This is going to make my next shore leave home a little tricky. Well, at least her ship is a hell of a lot bigger then mine. Go Dreadnoughts! Love you mom!

Normandy – crew 57

Kilimanjaro – crew 15,000

(Just in case Captain Hannah Shepard ever reads this)

- Commander Shepard Out


	3. Chapter 3 Quarian Crewmember

**Data Log Entry: # 21830705 **

I can't believe they served green eggs this morning. I didn't even know eggs could be green! I feel like retching just thinking about it. Cookie said they were "military issue grade" Note to self: put that in my official log. If we're going to be out here saving the Universe then at least the alliance can feed us something that resembles real food.

On to a lighter subject, since picking up our young Quarian friend back on the Citadel, the engine room has been such a delightful place to visit. My impression is that Tali'Zorah nar Rayya can light up a room with her smile even if it's concealed by her tented face mask. I think my Chief Engineer Adams is smitten by her intellect and curiosity.

He grabbed me this morning while I was making my rounds of the ship, asking to speak to me about his new engine room guest. I immediately thought, Great! Someone else wants to complain about having aliens on board. I was pleasantly surprised when he informed me that he really enjoyed Tali's company and was a pleasure to work with. He joked, "Give her another week and she'll know more about the Normandy's FTL drive system then I do."

She's been on a few missions with me now and I find Miss Tali'Zorah to be a very intelligent and inquisitive individual. She strikes me as being very brave for one so young and so far from her home on the flortilla. She's pretty good with a firearm too. I won't have to worry about her, that's for sure. She compliments my eccentric fighting style unbelievably well. It's strange yet comforting that I only have to giver her minimal direction during a fight. She knows exactly what to do and seems to completely understand my thought process. Combined with T'Soni's biotics, she really balances out the squad.

Today's mission was impressive. The three of us were going into battle when my headset started acting up. I tried calling out to Tali but she had already moved into position; out of ear shot. Using only vague hand signals, I instructed her to flank the mercs from the left while T'Soni and I moved in from the other direction simultaneously. It worked perfectly! Those mercs didn't stand a chance.

It was nice for once, not having to argue over strategic tactics with Alenko. I still don't care that Alenko got his panties in a bunch this afternoon because I brought "such a non-experienced soldier" with us. Tali completely proved her self today. I would take her to a full fledge fire fight with me any solar day. Tali, you rock! I almost forgot, besides being an excellent addition to the squad, there hasn't been a cypher code yet that she couldn't crack.

Key note: The food in the chow hall really sucks! Professor T'Soni showed me her bowl of mush this evening that was supposed to be lasagna. I need to get better rations the next time we hit port…or a better cook.

Shepard out


	4. Chapter 4 Consort Visit Citidel

**########################################################################################**

**Data Log Entry: 21830708**

Perhaps it was my complete absent mindedness but as I walked into the consort's establishment on the Citadel, I did not even consider what a consort was. My perception was loosely based on what Xeltan, the Elcor Diplomat, said about her. I originally thought she was a type of information broker. Xeltan was upset that his authority had been compromised when the consort exposed his "secret". After all, looking at a giant Elcor; sex with an Asari isn't the first thing that comes to mind. In fact, if I put much more thought into it, I am sure to get a headache.

I thought the hostess, Nelyna, was very pleasant when Tali, Professor T'Soni and I walked into the elegantly decorated building. I'm still shocked that Tali punched me in the arm so hard when I asked the acolyte, "Exactly what kind of massages do you give and are you really that good?" Honestly my intentions were innocent, only thinking, _'Damn, my right shoulder's been so stiff lately.'_

When I told Nelyna that I would not be making an appointment to wait 3 months to see the consort, I heard the Professor behind me breathe a deep sigh of relief. As I was motioning my squad to leave, the young acolyte called out my name; "Commander Shepard, the consort would like to meet with you!"

I turned back and looked at her in confused. Nelyna excitedly replied, "You are a lucky woman Commander Shepard. You have caught the attention of the consort. She would like to see you now."

The three of us walked inside the lavishly decorated private room. Tali stared in awe as she took in her surroundings. Almost simultaneously, Tali and I fixed our eyes on a large purple monstrosity off to the side of the room. I lipped to her, "What is it?" Tali, just as confused, shrugged her shoulders. Without any amusement at all in her voice, T'Soni quipped, "It's a bed!" Tali and I chuckled at the thought of how strange it was. As I inspected it closer, I was most curious how one got in and out of it. Not once did I consider what sort of activities the consort used it for.

I hardly noticed a motionless figure in the far corner of the room with her back to us. T'Soni mimicked my every move as I stepped closer towards the blue being. Within a few moments the figure spoke, "That is close enough Commander Shepard." The attractive asari seductively swirled around starring directly at me, "My name is Sha'ira and I have a problem that could use your reputable expertise."

She smiled and provocatively floated towards me as she continued. "A friend of mine and I had a falling out. I won't go into the details, but he is a retired turian general and spends most of his time drinking at Chora's Den; spreading lies about me. His name is Septimus Oraka." She paused only long enough to softly graze my cheek with the back of her hand. "I wish you to speak to him on my behalf; soldier to soldier." The asari practically purred when she added, "Convince him to stop spreading these hurtful untruths about me."

The consort delicately placed her arm around my shoulders pulling me away from the team. Briefly glimpsing at T'Soni first, I smoothly lowered my shoulder to step out from under her grasp. The innocent glance did not escape Sha'ira and as I saw her brow rise, making mental note of my reaction to her 'persuasiveness'.

Engulfing my right arm, Sha'ira scrutinized my prothean expert's body up and down and proclaimed, "I have been doing this for centuries Commander and I am _VERY_ good at what I do." With no shame at all, she glared upon the young asari professor and smirked, "I promise you, I will make it worth your while."

From far side of the room, I suddenly heard Professor T'Soni's biotics firing up. The crackling sound got louder as Sha'ira sauntered back across the room as to show off her enamored figure. Looking back at me, the consort purred, "Commander, I will give you an experience you will never forget."

Tali desperately tried to hold back her laughter and shifted her gaze to the floor. Failing miserably, she turned her chuckle into a cough. I thought to myself amusingly, '_Subtle – real subtle Tali.' _

I looked back over my shoulder and saw the young maiden had turned a pale blue that I had never seen before. Her skin was usually a bright azure color. It immediately hit me that Professor T'Soni was very uncomfortable with the whole situation. She was nervously rocking back and forth sparking her biotics between her fingertips. My gaze must have lingered on T'Soni for a second too long, because the consort moved closer to me attempting to block my view of the professor.

With an unwary gaze Sha'ira must have realized I wasn't under her hypnotic spell. The matron's eyes glared once more up and down at T'Soni. She tried to sway me further by pressing her body against me and caressing my cheek with hers. It was a little shocking and I was stunned by her boldness. One of her hands slid down my waist and rested on my hip while one of her legs gently rubbed against my leg. It instantly dawned on me exactly what a consort was.

I was embarrassed by my lack of knowledge associated with a consort. My face must have turned quite red, because I again saw Tali trying to stifle a laugh.

Hearing T'Soni's biotics getting even louder, I politely grabbed Sha'ira's wrist as her other hand was making itself _well_ acquainted with my chest. I abruptly raised her hands up, snapping her out of her seductive trance. "Sha'ira! I don't need that sort of … persuasion. That will not sway me into helping you."

Still holding her wrist, I forced her backwards a few steps. The alarming look on her face convinced me that no one had ever rejected her before. I sternly continued, "I am a very busy woman, but I will see what I can do to help. _I am_ trying to stop a rogue Spectre!" My tone was condescending as I returned to my position next to Professor T'Soni. Sensing my irritation, Tali came to my opposite side imitating my famous _crossed arm_ Spectre pose.

We left the room and as we walked down the stairs in silence, I thought to myself, '_The faster I can complete this mission the better.'_

This evening Professor T'Soni and I talked about our visit with the consort. She was upset that I was helping her as she surely had a lot of other people jumping at the chance to handle such matters for her. I explained, "I can't be picky who I help and who I don't. That would impact my reputable principles. If someone needs help, I have to help them if I can."

The professor kept informing me that I would be jeopardizing my reputation by visiting her. "That's not very honorable for a Spectre."

I returned, "But I heard she has _several_ Spectre's as clients."

Stunning the hell out of me T'Soni erupted, "You are not her client!"

I was shocked by her outburst but she apologized profusely. I finally agreed that if I had to return to the consort, I would take the professor with me to keep my reputation in tact. She seemed very relieved to hear that. Who would have of thought that aliens were so particular about one's reputation?

I didn't realize until tonight how protective Professor T'Soni is. It's good to know she has my back.

**Note to self:** Next time you see an upset Elcor, walk the other direction.

Shepard Out -


	5. Chapter 5 Follow My Orders

**Military Terms:**

Captain's Mass – Navy's court of law where the Commanding Officer acts as Judge and Jury.

UCMJ – Uniform Code of Military Justice

Article 15 – non–judicial punishment

###########

**Data Log Entry: # 21830711**

1645 hours

Right now I am so angry. Why is it so hard to follow my instructions? Today, Lieutenant Alenko questioned me during a heated fire fight. No, not questioned… Flat out disobeyed an order! This is not the first time he has done this. He is going to get someone killed, like ME! As soon as I am done writing this I am going to put a formal letter of reprimand under UCMJ – Article 15 in his personnel data file.

Today we were in a shipping warehouse when Lieutenant Alenko left his position next to me insisting he could get a better angle at the vorcha. He was taking jabs at them with his biotics trying to get a clearer shot.

My weapon overheated and jammed when all the sudden there was an asari eclipse standing a few meters in front of me. I was left completely vulnerable. The wicked asari smirked and used her biotics to lift a massive crate on my left. Watching it slowly rise, it dawned on me, "That's gonna hurt." She was about to release it when I heard Professor T'Soni scream at me, "Shepard!" Suddenly, faster than I could comprehend, the crate went flying in the opposite direction and T'Soni was at my side. She was panting hard from the sudden dash and the use of such powerful biotics. She reached out and grabbed my arm, "Shepard, Are you ok?" I never realized how blue her eyes actually were.

It took a moment for it all to register; I had never seen the Professor use her biotics to move much more than a data pad. Her timing was perfect and she had just saved my life. I just stared at her for a bit. I couldn't believe it. I'm still not sure what I am most bewildered by, the fact that she saved my life or that she is an extremely powerful Asari.

After a couple deep breathes, the Professor angelically bowed her head and closed her eyes focusing all of her concentration. Her entire body began to glow brilliantly as her biotics fired up. She slowly raised her head and with one fluent movement sent one hell of a biotic attack towards the asari eclipse, knocking that blue bitch right on her ass. I was amazed by the amount of kinetic energy that flowed off T'Soni's body. I was awe struck. I had never seen anything like that from Alenko. Hell! I've never seen any biotic, including Asari Commandos, produce such a force.

I think it even surprised T'Soni how deadly her strike was. She had an astonished look on her face as she leaned against a crate trying to catch her breath. I unjammed my weapon and when the Professor was ready, we made quick work of the remaining hostiles. It was nice seeing her smile for once. It becomes her.

Tali was decrypting the wall safe in the small room upstairs when Alenko strolled in. Usually I'm not one to chastise in public but this time I flipped out. I turned around and laid into him. "Damn it Alenko, what were you thinking? I told you to hold your fucking position! You do know what "hold your position" means, right?" I started pacing trying to reel in my temper. I glanced at Professor T'Soni, "You know I'd probably be dead if it weren't for her and she's not even a soldier. She's a scientist for Christ sakes!" Rubbing my forehead, "How am I supposed to trust you Alenko? How can the team trust you…?" This isn't brain camp. It's not every man for him self." He seemed paralyzed as I vented. "Get out of my face! I don't want to see you right now!"

I won't be able to forget the blank expressions on Tali and T'Soni's face when Alenko finally left the room. I felt like an ass. It wasn't a very good "human" impression to leave them with.

I was surprised when Tali placed her hand on my shoulder and said. "Sometimes you have to be tough to protect the rest of the crew." The tone of her voice told me that she was perhaps speaking from experience on the flortilla. Hopefully not first hand experience.

I don't know what to do about LT. Alenko. If he wasn't such a seasoned soldier I'd have his ass at Captain's Mast in a heartbeat. Given that I'm the Commanding Officer, I don't think it would go very well for him. I'm also tired of walking on egg shells with him about the Professor. It seems like every time we are have a conversation he finds a way to sarcastically mention her. If he was uneasy about her before, he will certainly resent her now. I will have to be careful around him. He is after all a L2 biotic.

I'd better go talk to T'Soni and warn her to stay away from Alenko. Plus I need to make sure she's ok after today's explosive events. I bet she's still surprised she threw that crate. Maybe I will ask her to have chow with me this evening.

I'll write up Alenko's DA Form 4856 later tonight.

###########

2215 hours

I just finished having the most remarkable conversation with Liara. We talked all night. She is so bright and innocent. It was like a breath of fresh air from the military ambiance that constantly surrounds me. I wish I could repeat how perfectly she described her home planet; Thessia. It was breath taking. I had no idea how interesting the Protheans were. The knowledge Liara has learned from ancient dig sites; amazing! There are so many things I could learn from her. It's getting late. I'm going to get some shut eye now and try to remember the way Liara described her home planet. Aw it was so blue!

I am way too tired to fill out Alenko's reprimand, so I will do it tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6 Planetside Tarith

**Data Log Entry: # 21830727**

0230 hours

It's been a few hard weeks since my last entry. I've been pre- occupied with several of life's encounters; AKA side missions. I haven't taken any disciplinary actions against Lieutenant Alenko. It seems like a moot point now. I believe the public scolding was enough for the both of us. He hasn't stepped out of line since and has even shown considerable effort in being polite to Liara. In retrospect, I have far too concerning issues to focus on right now.

My days are filled from the moment I get out of bed, (notice I didn't mention when I woke because sleep seems to be becoming a problem lately) until the time I hit my bunk again. I am beginning to feel the tension rise from the severity of our main mission we are about to embark upon.

Even my nightly talks with Liara have suffered, slowly dimensioning to none at all.

Today I received yet another Alliance mission request from Admiral Hackett. Are these really requests or are they just playing _nice_ with the Citadel Council? I wonder what would happen if one of these days I said, "Sorry no can do Admiral! I'm a little busy today!" Snap out of it Shepard, you're never going to do that! "It is not very becoming of an honorable officer!" Captain Anderson used to say to me all the time. Anyway, the Admiral wants us to explore the Blood Packs Communications Relay on the planet Tarith. It's located in the Milky Way Galaxy / Crescent Nebula Cluster / 4th Planet in the Lusarn System. I conducted some back ground research on the planet.

Orbital Distance: 7.8 AU

Orbital Period: 16.7 Earth Years

Keplerian Ratio: 1.702

Radius: 5,677 km

Day Length: 27.7 Earth Hours

Atm. Pressure: 0.84 atm

Surface Temp: 21 °C

Surface Gravity: 0.87 g

Mass: 0.684 Earth Masses

It's supposed to be a hot and muggy Earth like planet, with the constant presence of a thick chlorine fog. The report also could not confirm nor deny the inhabitance of hostile Klixen; large fire breathing, lobster resembling creatures. Oh goodie, isn't it good to be me!

A very tired and crabby Shepard out!


	7. Chapter 7 Research Matriarch Benezia

I'd like to give a shout out to PMC65 for borrowing her background story for the mighty and all powerful Matriarch Benezia. To read more about her check out – A Thessian's Whisper by PMC65.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Data Log Entry: # 21830808**

Over the last couple of days I have been conducting data research on Saren's second in Command; Matriarch Benezia. I don't even know the woman but just saying her name feels like it commands respect. *Scratches head* I read her official bio and let me tell you it was very… well… official. It was the most thorough and professional bio I have ever read making the Alliance Admiral packages looks like drabble. In the eyes of the asari, she's like a God (or in their case; a Goddess!) Matriarch Benezia is a very powerful biotic and spiritual leader among her people. She is known and revered as a teacher of religion and philosophy. Benezia felt that the asari should have a greater role in shaping galactic events. She is everything the "perfect" asari aspired to be. Impressive is an understatement. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for a shy and reserved Liara T'Soni growing up in that kind of pristine living environment.

Matriarch Benezia hosted these prestigiously extravagant parties; over the top by even human standards. Found at these events were the most talented musicians, fine art on every wall and the best wines and food possible to include rare flavorful fruits and desserts. Among the invited guest were fellow Matriarchs, their families, friends and distinguished guest. The affairs normally consisted exclusively of asari and outsiders were rarely allowed, if ever and only those who were personally invited by Matriarch Benezia were allowed to attend. It all seemed so very strange but it was considered beyond reproach to show up uninvited. It would be like spitting directly into the Matriarch's face. I couldn't imagine anyone ever doing that and if they did, they would be considered the scum of the planet. I pity the fool who ever dares.

Everywhere Matriarch Benezia went, she was constantly surrounded by acolytes who served as her personal assistants. In her home… I mean mansion… there were 20 or so at any given time. I found vids of one her "lesser" mansions on Thessia. It was bigger than some space stations I've been on and it included vast gardens with beautiful streaming balconies. Based on the dates on the vids, it was where Liara spent most of her childhood. I can't help feeling sorry for her, despite the number of people who lived in the house; how isolated she must have felt from her mother. Looking at Liara now, I see where some of the pain, hidden so far behind her eyes, comes from. Besides the various rotating acolytes there were hundreds of followers. Some reports even say thousands. It was a great honor to become one of Matriarch Benezia's acolytes from the vids I researched; it would be like winning the spiritual lottery. To study under the Matriarch was a huge privilege and honor; especially if you became one of the acolytes in her inner circle that constantly surrounded her. What is even more amazing is that all these women who traversed the Matriarch's home, each and every one of them, were personally hand picked by her. The application was brutal and it took years just to be considered for a position. The reports didn't state why or how often acolytes came and went but some were dedicated for life. While it has been told that Matriarch Benezia did not give any special attention to one or even several acolytes, I have noticed in the vids and vid pics that one particular maiden asari was usually present. I will have to remember to ask Liara about her. I am sure she knows of her. She seemed to be the most constant figure in any pic taken of the Matriarch. It's amazing what you find when you are not looking for it.

I wonder why Liara always refers to her mother as Matriarch Benezia instead of mother or mom; anything less formal.

Traditionally, asari spread their influence through cultural domination and intellectual superiority. However what the meticulously organized bio and research didn't tell me is that Matriarch Benezia was more than a great leader. She was an iconic figure for the Asari people. She believed in galactic peace and was often outspoken about the role the asari played in the galaxy. It appeared she stood for everything good in the galaxy so how did she end up working with Saren, worse still; his second in command? It has been boggling my mind for the last couple of days, which is far better than the tedious missions the Alliance has been sending me on lately. I feel like they are trying to jerk my chain to see if the doggie still knows who its master is. The next lead we get in Saren's pursuit and they can kiss my FTL exhaust.

Staring at her vids, I can see Matriarch Benezia is an astounding woman. Her mere presence demands respect. I never saw someone stand so tall and proud all the time. I chuckle to myself thinking, I wish she had dealings with our human Ambassador; Udina. I would certainly enjoy hiding in the corner rooting, "You go girl!" She would eat him alive! I have relished the very thought of it. So much so, that I've actually caught myself laughing out loud at the thought of it while walking the corridors over the last few days. Her aura is striking to say the least. For one to process such strength, knowledge and beauty is beyond comprehension. No wonder the asari are the most prolific and dominate species in the galaxy. If you ask me, the human race could learn a lot from them instead bull dozing ahead like we are entitled to everything. Alliance Systems are you getting this? If I am going to lose my Command over some data entry, I hope mankind can at least learn from it.

Professor T'Soni has her mother's features; from the deep rich blue color of her eyes, which I believe is because they are both purebloods, to the freckles on her cheeks and chest. Well, I'm not sure if the Professor has those too but the Matriarch seemed to show them off quite proudly. Standing side by side it would be irrefutable that they were related. Sadly, however, there are few vids of them seen together. That has me puzzled. Perhaps Professor T'Soni hasn't been telling me the whole story, but it is also evident the reason behind it is painful to her.

In the Alliance reports, they strongly suggest that asari are thought to be quite promiscuous. I am personally torn on the subject. I've visited the strip clubs on the Citadel and Omega that were overflowing with asari, but they weren't flat out screwing a guy on the table like you see at some human military bases. They seemed to be just having fun. Concluding that the Citadel's Consort and even the all mighty Queen of Omega Aria, I perceive they savor what they enjoy and aren't afraid to express it. Even Matriarch Benezia is incredibly beautiful and she certainly knows it. Based on human standards, she should hide it? Nonetheless I clearly don't completely understand Asari culture. For example, relative to the asari mentioned above, Professor T'Soni is practically covered from head to toe in material. Did her mother ensure her greatest gift did not attract un-wanted eyes? Was it her up-bringing in such a prominent figure's home? Does she not think she is beautiful? If she doesn't, then she is sadly mistaken. Factually speaking… I think she is absolutely breath taking, - for a blue humanoid that is. Anyway, it must be hard being the only daughter of one so powerful. I can understand now why she chose to go in the opposite path from her mother, seeking the solitude of Prothean dig sites.

In the detailed information I also learned that Matriarch Benezia's powerful biotics are officially registered at a rating of 12. I didn't even know they rated biotic levels. Here are standards I discovered from the Galactic Codex: Essentials Edition 2183. However the rating system was created by the Asari Republics which only makes sense, they were the first to have biotic powers.

BIOTIC RATINGS from the Asari Collection Administration Standards University of Serrice - Thessia

Ratings…. 

(1-4) Poor - Decidedly recommended to pursue a non combat profession.

(5) Below Average - Lowest rating required to become a commando and respectable asari

(6) Average rating for Krogans, Turian "Cabals" and New Species; Humans

(7–8) Average for Asari – Very high for L3 humans normally ranking a 7

(9) Among the Best - Highly sought after asari; consisting of senior commandos, biotic instructors or Justicars

(10) Highest rating on the standard biotic scale - (Few asari have past this level – less then 100 in their entire recorded existence) - Usually only held by Matriarchs who have spent their entire lives as a commando or as a Justicar.

(11) Remarkably high – Assigned to 7 of the original 28 Matriarchs who first left Thessia during the Golden Age in search of "Ultimate Knowledge" ; Matriarch Dilinaga being one of them.

(12) Matriarch Benezia's rating (It really just said that)

(13) No documented assignment to this rating

(14) Catastrophic power – Once achieved by an Ardat Yakshi. She was unable to control it and caused an explosion that completely destroyed the biotic rating chambers. It killed her in the process. 1 rating of this level ever assigned.

Liara T'Soni was rated a 5; barely passing. I don't understand how that is possible after what I have witnessed. I will have to ask her about that. I looked up LT. Alenko and he is a 7. Good to know.

Purebloods Asari still have me perplexed. Some asari feel it to be wasteful when two asari mate because "nothing has been gained". I don't understand this reasoning. Purebloods were good enough to populate their planet, obtain and discover new technologies, create fantastic displays of art and culture and even achieve space flight. However, now it's no longer good enough? That doesn't make sense to me. I would love to discuss this with a Matriarch one day.

Nevertheless, if nothing is truly gained then why is Matriarch Benezia a perfect example of the asari people? She is an exemplary example of a pureblood. I would think the asari would want more daughters like her, despite the risk of the rumored creatures; Ardat Yakshi. Sounds like something out of old fairy tale they used to tell back on earth in the 22nd Century, to get kids to go to sleep. I hope they aren't real, though. More importantly, I hope I never run into one.

I just reviewed the biotic standards and Matriarch Benezia's file again. This is truly an astounding woman and a very powerful asari. Not to mention she is Professor T'Soni's mother. I don't even know how to begin a battle strategy for this. I honestly hope it doesn't come down to us taking her on directly. I'm not sure how I would feel if I had to put her mother down. Damn it Saren! What hold do you have over her?

Commander Shepard – 3rd Galactic Fleet out!


	8. Chapter 8 Biotics Ratings

**Data Log Entry: # 21830809**

I spoke to Liara about receiving a mediocre biotic rating of 5. She told me on the morning of the testing at the University, she felt so much pressure to succeed that she threw up several times and desperately tried to get out of it. Her mother scored a 12 and therefore the same greatness was expected of her.

However, she was certain by that age she did not want to follow in her mother's footsteps and would have gladly accepted a score below a 5. In fact, Liara told me in sincere confidence, that she secretly wished she had scored below a 5 to relieve her of the burden of her mother's commanding position.

The young prothean expert also told me that she didn't think she performed well enough to score even a 5, but guessed that her influential mother may have had something to do it. After all, it would have been horribly embarrassing for the daughter of Matriarch Benezia, who scored a 12, to have scored below a 5. She repeated it like a VI who had heard that line more times than she wanted too.

I asked what rating she thought she really was, but she didn't seem to care. I reminded her of that day she saved me from the 2 ton shipping crate.

"There is no way that was just a 5!"

She blushed and softly replied, "Perhaps not." But still wouldn't go into detail. I'd like to ask LT. Alenko what he thinks her biotic rating would be, but that might not be such a good idea. I wonder if Krogans take the test. I will have to ask.

I forgot to ask Liara who that acolyte was in the Matriarch Benezia vids. She always appears to get this sad look on her face every time I mention the Matriarch. Something awful must have come between them. Maybe I'll drop the mystery acolyte for now.

Liara and I have started our evening strolls again. These talks seem to help relieve a great deal of stress for me too.

Commander Shepard Out!

%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Data Log Entry: # 21830810**

**2200 hours **

The ship will have some free time tomorrow, so I think I will run a full battle exercise drill. Haul breeches, FTL systems failure, Communications failure, and Barrier Shields failure. That should keep everyone on their toes. Sleep tight Normandy, tomorrow will be hell.

I also need to talk to LCDR Presley. I opened my official messages this morning and I had 7 chain letters. Really? On board a top secret military vessel? I couldn't believe it. That is so 21st Century!

-Katherine J. Shepard Out

Commanding Officer SSV Normandy

P.S. By the way, Krogans most certainly DO NOT take the biotic ratings test, as I was so unpleasantly informed by Wrex.

Note to self: Add Krogan Ryncol to requisition's officers list of supplies. I think it might be wise to have a lot of it on hand; just in case of an emergency.


	9. Chapter 9 Poker Night

**Data Log Entry: # 21830829**

Well I am thankful that week is over. I ordered full mass causality drills for the entire ship all last week. We ran exercise drills consisting of haul breeches, various FTL system failures, random fire breakouts and communications failure. The Systems Alliance has named these types of exercises; Rough Trade but the crew affectionately calls it 'Hell Week". It completely messes with the ship's schedule. Cold meals are often served at your battle station, your sleep is practically cut in half and a hot shower doesn't exist for the week. There is only training, training and more training. Despite the hectic schedule, the crew did an outstanding job on all the exercises. I even kept Dr. Chakwas pretty busy with all the mock casualties. I have a feeling I'm going to owe her a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy the next time we are in port though. It's not a wise thing to have your doctor a little peeved at you especially the next time you are in the med lab with a gapping wound and she seems to be taking a little longer than normal with that morphine shot.

To reward the crew for their hard work I threw the ship a little celebration. Tonight was Poker Night aboard the SSV Normandy. If it's one thing I've learned being in the military, you need to play as hard as you work and they certainly worked their butts off this last week. I pulled out all the stops to include sending the requisition officer to purchase the supplies last time we were on the Citadel. Although I had to basically threaten his life to keep it quiet; I didn't want the crew distracted by news of a celebration. We had real poker chips, black jack tables with green felt tops and Tali even created a mechanized roulette table using some spare parts from the cargo bay. Of course, some sore losers from the crew thought it was rigged. To settle the dispute, I ordered that they both got another 20 credits on the house. There always seems to be at least one person who has to complain.

Joker found some cheesy casino music that he blasted threw the speakers of the mess hall _all night_. I'm also not going to ask how he got his hands on some official Flux Poker playing cards. It is the Commander's night off! Garrus looked quite stunning in his dealer's visor, glittery vest and sleeve garters. He said he had done some black jack dealing while he was working undercover for C-Sec a while back. The way his hands moved over those cards it looked like he had a little more than "some" dealing experience. I tried to remind him who I was when he was dealing me my hand, but then he playfully reminded me, without missing a single beat as he dealt, "But Shepard, I thought you were taking the night off." – Man how did that backfire?

Poker Night was an overall success and a blast. I really think the entire crew got into it. There was even as an unexpected bonus; a hormonal meshing between the human and alien crew members. Heck even Wrex made a killing tonight but I think that's because everyone was too scared to call his bluff and kept folding. The best part of the night was watching how many crew members got whiplash when Dr. Chakwas strolled in wearing a tight black cocktail dress. It fit her perfectly without a waste of fabric. I have to say for an older woman, she rocked that dress. I have a feeling she is going to have an unexpected number of male patients tomorrow at sick call and I don't think Lieutenant Alenko will ever be able to look at her the same way again. When she sat next to him at the roulette table, his face turned so red I had to stifle myself from laughing out loud.

My personal luck wasn't so great however I learned some valuable lessons tonight. For instance, never play cards with a facemask wearing quarian, especially if she tells you that she is _not cheating_. Also, don't play black jack with a supposedly sweet and innocent asari who kept blaming "beginner's luck" when she stole six months pay from the Captain. Man, nobody wins that many times in a row and now the next time we hit port, she's buying me dinner. Geez! But for the overall morale of the crew right now, it was worth it. Plus I'm getting a free dinner of my choice.

One broke Commander Shepard out


	10. Chapter 10 NightCap with the Doc

**Data Log Entry: # 21830830**

**0830 hours**

Damn my right shoulder has been bothering me. I must have hit it a little harder than I first imagined back at that warehouse. I really need to see Dr. Chakwas about it. I will do that right after our staff meeting at 0900 hours this morning in the conference room.

**1135 hours**

Wow my fn arm is killing me and siting still in the staff meeting only made it worse and of course someone asked me something after the staff meeting and I completely forgot to go see the doc. Next thing you know I'm down in the engine room for the rest of the morning. It's really hard to pull myself away when Tali gets on one of her techno talks especially when she has a great idea. It kills me to not to see how animated she explains things, like everyone around her is an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. All I have to say, is thank God, I'm not a snipe. (Engine room personnel)

**1300 hours **

Finally finished lunch after having to sign off on Joker's PMS (Pre Maintenance Systems) checks just as I was sitting down to eat. Who likes a warm meal anyway? Shortly after that, Presley wanted me to go over some star charts with him. I didn't realize how every minute of my day is jammed pack. I couldn't even eat a meal without at least 5 crew members interrupting. Too bad none of them were Dr. Chakwas, who apparently ate in the med lab today. I am heading over there now.

**Special Note:** I was informed by the requisition officer, yes during _my lunch_, that around 1,000 credits worth of poker chips went missing from last night. I can only imagine who took them. Although I can immediately think of a least of handful of culprits. I'm going to have to start poking around for them.

**1700 hours**

Shocking! I never made it to medical after lunch. Just a few steps from her door and Garrus came running up to tell me there was an emergency in the cargo bay. The fire suppressant tanks were shifting during flight and were getting too close to the mako. One more good turn and – how did he put it? "Commander, things would go BOOM!" It took all afternoon and one large working party to get those tanks secured again. I just got back to my cabin a few minutes ago. I am heading over the medical now.

**1710 hours Medical Bay** – Went a little something like this.

As I strolled into the med bay rubbing my sore shoulder I announced, "Hey Doctor Chakwas. You got a minute?" She politely smiled and put away her data pad. "Sure Commander. How can I help you?"

Observing the look of exhaustion on my face she peered out the windows of the med lab and dismissed her medical staff for the evening. She casually walked over to her desk and pulled out a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy and two glasses. She clinked the glasses together in one hand and asked if I was interested in a drink.

Looking behind me to ensure the coast was clear, I propped my feet up on the spare table and said, "Why the hell not. I've had a heck of a week." Setting the glasses up she began to pour and I thought, _'The shoulder could wait a little longer. Besides this ice brandy of hers can melt away a months worth of extra duty away like it was butter.' _

The good doctor started, "I know what you mean Commander. Life of a Chief Medical Officer on board an Alliance Military vessel isn't all peaches and cream."

I took my first sip watching her take a swift gulp of hers. My eyes stung and my throat burned. It took all I had not to start choking at the potency of the liquid. The good doctor clearly had a stronger tolerance for the brandy than I did, but boy did it go down smooth. I started feeling its soothing effects after my second sip.

Amused by my sheer will power not to gag on the brandy the doctor continued, "It's amazing how all of these tough Alliance soldiers suddenly revert to being a little kid as soon as they step in here. I originally joined the Alliance to help these brave soldiers, capable of battling anything you throw at them."

Taking another hardy gulp from her glass before she placed it back on the desk, "But it's more like whiny cry babies as soon as they walk, stumble or crawl through those doors. It's enough to make a grown woman, well…"

She held up her glass again as we both took a significant swig. "Well drink!" The larger swallow was more than I could handle and I began to cough a little. Dr. Chakwas beamed, "There you go Commander. That's how you do it!" She quickly refilled my smooth burning liquid drink.

Half way through that glass, my skin was becoming warmer despite the fact that the temperature in the room had not changed. I lifted my glass again and touched it against my normally fair skinned cheek. My face felt like it was on fire. I had to have been flush from the brandy. I took in a deep breath and I could already feel my entire body relaxing the pain in my shoulder a distant memory. I felt my body sway just a little too easy in the chair as I slumped down further into it while my feet on the desk acted as my only sense of balance.

The doctor lightly slammed her drink down on the desk and vibrantly asked, "Commander! Do you know what it's like to have to baby sit full grown adults when they aren't acting like adults?"

Laughing as I almost spun out of the chair, I mimicked her gesture and slammed my own glass down spilling a little of it as we both laughed heartily. I looked her dead in the eye and said, "Well Doctor Elizabeth Chakwas, I certainly do!" Gesturing to the rest of the vessel, "I have a whole damn ship of them!" We both laughed loudly filling the entire room with cheer.

Refilling my curvaceous brandy glass for the third time, I tried staring at it. The curves of it with the cool blue substance inside reminded me of something but I couldn't quit put my finger on it.

Making a professional guess, Dr. Chakwas blurted out, "Looks a little like an asari doesn't it?"

Stunned by the comment I quickly let go of the glass if I my hand was improperly touching a particular prothean professor. I looked up at the doctor with my jaw hanging open and absolutely nothing came out.

The smiling doctor divulged, "You know this brandy comes from Serrice?" I nervously shook my head trying not to look at the asari looking glass. "It's a prominent city on Thessia."

Not getting her meaning I was still focused on how much the brandy glass with the blue chilled liquid did look like an asari.

Her voice rose an octave, "It's a city on Thessia! Homeland of the asari?!" Taking a pleasurable swig from her glass, she continued more relaxed, "That's why it looks so damn much like them. It comes from the asari home planet." Staring at the brandy glass filled with the cool sapphire liquid, she gently swirled it in a sophisticated manner, "It makes sense really, don't you think?"

I could feel my head bobbing up and down before I actually thought to answer. "Yes ma'am! It certainly does."

She chuckled, "Actually pretty sexy if you ask me. Don't you agree commander?" Surprised to hear the word _sexy_ leave the good doctor's lips and a quick flash of her little black cocktail dress from poker night I was barely uttered, "Uh…"

Continuing to study her exquisitely shaped glass Dr. Chakwas chimed, "I know that if I weren't surrounded by jar heads and naval personnel all the time, a woman of my stature might find herself wandering over to the blue team for a few brief visits."

If my face wasn't red before it certainly was now as she laughed even harder when she looked back at me. Realizing that I couldn't tell if she was being serious, she laughed so hard, she nearly fell out of her chair.

It took a few minutes for the message to travel to my tipsy brain to comprehend it didn't matter. We were hiding out in the medical bay onboard the Normandy, getting sloshed on the doctor's _secret_ non-standard medical antidote. The two of us were laughing and snorting like two drunken sailors at any bar.

It wasn't until I noticed that the expensive one hundred and fifty credit bottle of ice brandy was almost gone that I announced, "Perhaps we should stop now before I am back in here in the morning with a killer hang over. Or do you have something in a bottle for that too?"

The doctor gave an amused look which made me wonder. I held up my hand as I staggered to my feet. "No, don't answer that! I don't wanna know."

She teased, "Oh Commander you're not going soft on me are you?"

Without warning, the eloquent doctor stood and gently sat on one of the medical beds across the room. Taking her time, she slowly unzipped one of her long military boots.

Disappointed I growled, "Hey no fair! I have to walk…"

She interrupted, "You mean stumble." Trying to point my body in the correct direction I slurred, "Yeah walk, stumble, hell I might even have to crawl half way there." Trying to get sympathy, I lazily pointing my hand towards my cabin. "There! Waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy over there!"

The doctor had already climbed on top of the cushioned bed and kicked off her boots. She motioned to one of the other beds. "You can always sleep in here. There is more than one medical bed _you know_. I don't bite - very hard." She laughed at her own joke.

"Besides, I can always bandage it up in the morning."

I buried my face in my palm. I couldn't believe I was seeing this side of the distinguished Doctor Chakwas.

"Well I'd better get going. Thanks for sharing your "stash" with me doc."

Smiling warmly she returned, "Anytime commander."

As I turned to leave the doctor called out, "Oh commander, what did you come in here for anyway?"

My hand instantly went to my sore shoulder. Remembering her displeasure with whiny Alliance soldiers, I quickly dropped my hand back to my side and quipped, "Oh nothing really. Just wanted to… um…. Say hi. Yeah say hi!"

Without another thought she said "Oh well hello, and goodbye now." Her head sunk further on to the pillow as she closed her eyes.

I quickly glanced at Liara's door, then back to the brandy glass remembering how shocked I was at the thought of touching her. I stared at her door a moment, debating on whether to see if she had been in there this entire time. Taking a ragged step forward, I suddenly felt my head swoosh from the alcohol. Not risky another step,

I thought the better of it.

Perhaps I will speak with her tomorrow instead, I muttered as I completed a very intoxicated about-face almost loosing my balance as I gripped onto the doctor's desk. I could of sworn I heard Dr. Chakwas chuckle, but when I looked back over there, her eyes were closed shut.

I told my self, _Just like hell week in boot camp. When exhaustion was beyond measure, all you needed was one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Come on Shepard! You can do this! _ Looking at my ultimate goal being my cabin, I said, "I can do this."

I can neither confirm or deny any of these events actually occurred on board the Normandy – Shepard Out


	11. Chapter 11 Hang Over

**Data Log Entry: # 21830831**

**-0630 hours **

Damn, my head was pounding. Inside the shuttle, about to hit planet side was a little too late to ask Dr. Chakwas if she really did have something in a bottle for a hang over. I felt like there was a Krogan inside my skull going through puberty. Someone just shoot him. Undeservingly I glared in Wrex's direction, who was sitting across from me. I knew it wasn't his fault, but it felt better to blame someone else over my own stupidity for drinking that much. But the good doctor had me cracking up something awful last night.

The craft shook violently. Ugh if we hit one more air pocket I thought I was going to spill my breakfast; again. Wait, I didn't eat breakfast. That's right you overslept. Reaching for my nauseous empty stomach, I chastised myself, Ah you wouldn't of eaten anyway.

I seriously felt like I was going to puke but I didn't want the rest of the squad seeing me in that miserable condition, so I activated my helmet's visor a little early. Shit! I gritted. Another air pocket.

Joker's voice came over the shuttle's speaker system. "Five minutes until land fall people. Enjoy your stay!"

Customary, a few of the squad members rose from their seats early to grab their gear for a quick exit once the shuttle touched down. Myself usually being the first to rise, I remained very still in my seat. Another air pocket sent Professor T'Soni flying into my lap as several items shifted within the capsule. Good thing I already had my visor down or she would have seen me turn about ten shades of red.

This was the first time we actually had physical contact with the other, except when she touched my forehead during the meld. But I never really considered that contact. I stared into her face searching for a reaction, but she only smiled and murmured, "Pardon me Commander."

The maiden didn't seem as embarrassed as I was. Maybe I was just a lot more hung over than I thought. I tried to rub my throbbing head from outside me helmet when Wrex stood up and peered down at me. "Rough night Commander?"

Although I knew he couldn't see behind my visor, I shot him my best scowl I had. When I finally found my feet beneath me as the hatch opened, I yelled out. "Alright everyone lock and load! We got a job to do!" Internally I prayed, 'God help me just get through this day in one piece and I promise never to let Dr. Chakwas take advantage of me again'.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Squatting behind a crate with Tali and Liara, we waited for Garrus to run decoy, as my mind began to wander. I would kill for a greasy varren burger from that kiosk outside Flux right now. I could almost taste it. I swear my mouth started drooling before the turian teammate interrupted my craving.

Rushing back to us, Garrus panted, "Ok the target area looks secure, but there are defiantly a lot of ground charges down there." Turning his attention towards me, he added, "Commander perhaps you should stay up here."

Dumbfounded I return his gaze. "What are you talking about Garrus? I'm going to lead the team, like I always do." Uneasily shifting his weight, my large krogan huffed his objection. Turning to look at the big fella, I barked, "You got something to add Wrex? Mighty Krogan battlemaster."

"Well no offense Shepard, but every time we go into a situation like this, things are always blowing up around you and today I'd like to keep my skin intact."

Glaring at the teammates surrounding me, I noticed Tali's worried reaction as well. The quarian uttered, "I could remain here and hold the point." She sound all too excited to remain far from the action.

Scoffing at my muted squad I detested, "So is everyone turning yellow on me?"

Just then, Liara gently cleared her throat grabbing my attention. "Commander he is correct. There always seems to be _something_ exploding around you."

I couldn't help but think, _Great everyone gets a turn at the Shepard piñata._

"This is unbelievable!" I snapped. Silently I snarled, _If my head wasn't killing me, I'd have each one of you court marshaled_. "And exactly would you have me do?"

Tali was the first to answer, "You could take out some mercs with your sniper rifle." Realizing her subtle persuasion wasn't working she added, "You could stay up here in a nice quiet cushy spot?" I still had no reaction. Obviously not thinking it out, my quarian engineer blurted, "Liara will stay with you!"

Slowly my head turned in the direction of the professor. Amused, I chuckled to myself, _Like that is really going to work. _

Taking advantage of my distraction, my team rapidly headed down the path towards the bunker. Seeing the disgust on my face from my squad's abandonment, the prothean expert tried to comfort me.

"Is being with me so bad?"

What could I say to that? Desperately trying not to hurt her feelings, I answered, "No Liara." I blushed, "Not bad at all."

Instantly remembering the asari looking goblet in the med lab last night, I soon found my pulse increasing and not from my suffering hang over. Hearing unconcerning shouts down below us, I was very much alone with the professor. I tried o focus on anything else, as I slowly glanced back at the way her skin looked under the gentle sun.

Thankfully Tali's suggestion came to mind. I moved around the corner of a medium sized crate. Lifting my sniper rifle into position, I was ready to take out any lurking mercs who dared tried to run. After a few moments of silence, I lowered my eyes from the scope and I leaned against the metal crate. I again tried to sooth my aching head with my helmet engaged.

Liara shot me a sympathetic smile and mentioned, "Serrice Ice Brandy has quit the kick if you're not used to it." My eyes felt like they got as big as saucers at her unexpected comment. _She had been there last night. She heard everything. Oh no! What did I say, think what did I say? Stupid! Stupid! Augh! Damn it Dr. Chakwas, I' m never going to let you live this down!_

All I could muster was a childish, "Uh huh". Feeling very self-conscious I slowly slid down the crate into a sitting position with my knees pressed against my chest. I felt, why was I suddenly embarrassed to say a word to her? We had countless conversations that lasted late into the night. Why now, why are you freaking about her now?

As we seat only a few meters from each other silence filled the air.

A moment later, I notice she was impatiently tapping her fingers on her knees in a mirrored position as me. She was also having a difficult time conversing. Sluggishly returning to my feet, I peered back into the scope.

Finally slicing through the awkwardness, Liara asked, "Did you like the Serrice Brandy? It's from my home planet." When my head popped up she continued although she sounded unsure of herself, "The manufacturing plant is only a few kilometers from the University where I attended."

The melodic tone in her voice quickly eased any tension I was having. Internally I chuckled, thinking how odd we were behaving. "Yes, it was quit nice. But perhaps next time I won't have so much at once."

She released an innocent, yet genuine laugh when she stared down at the ground again. Her angelic smile and blush informed me that she too was feeling more relaxed now. The maiden found a twig on the ground and twirled it between her long nimble fingers. With a hint of amusement in her voice, Liara chimed, "You and Dr. Chakwas sounded like you had a rather good time last night."

I answered, "Yeah we did actually. I haven't laughed that much in a long time. I think my sides still hurt."

For some reason that wasn't the response she was looking for as she quickly dropped the twig and placed her chin on her knees as she released a heavy sigh. Barely comprehendible Liara said, "Dr. Chakwas looked stunning in that dress the other night."

Without thinking I spouted, "Hell, yeah she did!"

When the prothean expert didn't shoot back a snarky remark like the rest of my crew would have done, I had a feeling Liara was implying something else. I studied her facial expression for a moment. "Did you see how red Alenko's face got, when she sat next to him."

There was no change. I wanted to say something that wouldn't give her the wrong idea about me and the good doctor. "You know Dr. Chakwas and I go back _a long time_. She was the first medic on the scene after the Akuze attack. I was a wreck." That didn't seem to be help, so I kept trying, "She's my doctor you know. She knows every inch of this scraggily body".

Liara's eyes shot wide. She started nervously rubbing her forehead as she purposely looked away from me. Damnit Shep! That was worse. I thought.

I was trying to think of something and fast. But I all I was doing was sticking my foot in my mouth. Mustering up my courage, I said, regrettably in a tone firmer that I intend, "We are just good friends Liara."

Liara's blue eyes looked back at me as I explained, "I mean Dr. Chakwas is good people. I consider her a good friend and valuable asset to the ship."

A faint but small smile tugged at that edges of her mouth as turned replied, "Of course Commander."

Although everyone on the ship called me Commander, I actually preferred it when she called me Shepard.

I always felt it was too formal, especially when she wasn't technically part of the crew.

With Tali it was ok just because I was older than her, and as far as Wrex and Garrus were concerned, they were more or less part of my official crew. But Liara, she was a guest. She wasn't sworn in when she boarded the Normandy and God forbid, but she could leave any time she wanted.

Feeling like a sinking dreadnaught, I made one last attempt before abandoning ship completely. "So, I'm really looking forward to that dinner you owe me." She saw me staring at her when her head peeked back around, "Have you picked a place yet?"

The gracious smile of hers returned, "I thought it would be your choice."

The cheshire grin on my face must have stretched from ear to ear. "I'm easy. I can eat just about anything. What is your favorite place to eat?"

The conversation lasted the entire mission as well as a good portion of the trip home. It felt good to be talking to Liara again so easily. I was worried there for a minute, but it was still been boggling my mind, why we suddenly had that impasse back there. Why were the words not coming out right? Well, things seem to be back to normal now, so I'm not gonna rock the boat.

Shepard Out

Helping Garrus unload the mako after the mission today, I asked him if he would happen to know anything about some missing poker chips from the other night. Him being such an astute player, I thought he might want to keep some extras around for a guy's night or something. He laughed at me and walked over to his work station and pulled out a deck of Turian playing cards. He shuffled them faster than I could read the logo on the back. He smirked and said, "With these babies, I don't need extra credits. People are already throwing their hard earned credits at me.

With a raised brow I quipped, "You mean people off ship, right Garrus?"

His flanges flared before he quickly added, "Of course Commander, Of course."


	12. Chapter 12 Liara Tells Me

**Data Log Entry: #21830928**

I just had the most interesting conversation with Professor T'Soni. She told me that she had feelings for me. I am still not sure my brain is processing this correctly. I had heard the casual indications from the crew, but chose to ignore them, seeing it at nothing more than rumors and gossip. What make this worse is that I admitted to her that I also felt a strong attraction to her. Something about her, her voice, the color of her skin, or the way she moves. I can't remember exactly what words came out of my mouth, but I felt like I had little control of anything I was saying.

It seems like every time I'm in the same room as her I do my best not to focus solely on her, but it seems I'm fighting a losing battle. It's a constant struggle, but I guess one I no longer have to fight alone. Can it be true that I really am "attracted" to her? Did I not rush my answer to spare her feelings in the med lab just moments ago? Aren't we both females? Although her species is mono-gendered, she looks very much like a woman to me. The softness of her face, the curve of her hips, the firmness of her breast. She has breasts, clearly she is a woman! Ok, so maybe I just figured out _some_ reasons why _I might_ be attracted to her. Sure I've slept with women before. It's not that uncommon among humans over the last couple of decades or so; especially when they lifted the same sex relationship ban from the military back on September 19, 2011. We just don't procreate with them. This feels a little weird for me. Momma Shepard even though I didn't carry the child. Ok, I am really getting ahead of myself. She only told me that she had feelings towards me. She couldn't even bring her self to touch me right now much less have offspring. I need to focus on what all this means, to me, my mission, my crew. Oh God, another disturbing thought, "Hey mom! I want you to meet my blue girlfriend. Oh yeah and she's pregnant. Who's the father? Oh easy, I am." I wonder how long she'll be in the hospital from passing out at the news.

Sex with an Asari? I have no idea what that is even like. What is pleasing to them? Are they so different from humans? They look similar but clearly there are differences. Do they climax or just mind meld? If she climaxes, would her biotics explode? Oh that would be awful. I am sure they have control, I hope Liara would have such control. I need to do some research, just to be safe. I need to get into the VI's database without it being recorded. Great! I will need Tali for that, but how do I explain to her why I need the info. I guess I could go the scientific route and ask Dr. Chakwas to help me, I'll explain, "Doing research". Who am I kidding? She'd sniff out my intentions like a mad varren. She sees how many trips I make to the med lab. No, I need to stop this before it gets anymore out of hand. I will talk with Professor T'Soni tomorrow. There's no way I can go through with this. It simply won't work, there is too much to risk.

Liara just called me on the vid comm to report that all systems would be clear for tomorrow's training exercises. It was very brief but my hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. She has the most beautiful eyes, how intoxicating. I'm going to get some shut eye now. Maybe I will end it tomorrow, maybe.

Shepard Out –

**A/N:** This is a brief shout out to all those who had to serve in silence as I did for 10 years. Celebrate that now you will be judged on your performance rather than your sexual preference. God bless!


	13. Chapter 13 A Good Day

**Data Log Entry: 21831016**

The last couple of weeks have been hell. Everything from running drills to chasing after two bit mining operations and false emergency beacons. How many more off world warehouses am I going to have to attack? It's become so bad, that they have all started to look the same to me now. The ship, not to mention me, needs some major R and R so I have requested shore leave on the Citadel as soon as possible. Actually, I'm not really waiting for a reply as I had Joker plot a course to reach the Serpent Nebula at 0630 tomorrow morning. I guess being a Spectre has a couple of benefits. Besides, I could use some upgrades in my armor as well as some new weapons for my ground team.

I'll be taking Tali with me the day we land to knock that out of the way. Plus I really enjoy her company. I'm not used to actually going on shore leave with the rest of the ship since I am usually conducting manual systems upgrades or catching up on paper work. Plus I have no doubt the Alliance will have me chasing my tail on a couple of "important" missions on the Citadel that C-Sec for some reason can't handle. I guess I should look forward to the trip. After all, the Professor owes me a dinner. I'm curious what her favorite food is. All I've seen her eat is ship food which is barely a half of step up from prison food. I've heard stories about what she had to eat on her isolated dig sites which, if you ask me, sounds like prison food; lol. Guess we'll see if time permits.

Commander Shepard, Human Spectre Out

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Data Log Entry: 21831017**

**0715 hours **

As suspected the Normandy has been granted access to birth at the Citadel. The crew is all a hum as most didn't even know we traveled here in the night. I'd better go. I have a lot to do before we dock.

Shepard Out

**0141 hours**

Today was an officially productive day. As promised I took Tali out with me to purchase some weapon and armor upgrades. I also decided to take Liara and I am so glad I took both of them with me. The guy at the kiosk tried to rip me off but thanks to Tali's technical knowledge and Liara's asari wisdom he was caught red handed. He was trying to pawn off some out of date, off world tech that according to Liara wasn't worth a Batarian's boot. You should have seen his face when she said she had dug up technology that was better than what he was selling us.

At first he wasn't backing down but then Liara did that cute little thing with her hands where she summons just a little of her biotics and it flickers in her fingertips. I also believed it helped a great deal when Tali's hand slowly slid down to her utility belt and stopped right above her tech mines. Hell, I didn't have to do anything. I just stood there and looked pretty. I thought he was going to piss himself. It was awesome. I loved it. I had almost wished he hadn't retracted his offer. I love watching those girls whip some tail.

Anyway, off subject. After the three of us grabbed something to eat for lunch we ran into a reporter named Emily Wong. Did I say we ran into her? I mean she practically ran me over. It almost felt like another fan fancy like Conrad Verner. Oh brother, I don't even wanna talk about that guy. I just feel sorry for his wife. Anyway, back to Ms. Emily Wong. She said she was doing a piece on corruption on the Citadel. She wanted to know if I came "across" anything juicy that I'd give her a call. I do have the former Shadow Broker agent Fist's data disk. It was on his OSD. But I think I'll run it by the Council before I do anything stupid. The last thing I need is a scandal that Khalisah Al-Jilani would plaster all over the network.

Well luck played into my lap today. The squad and I were checking on a bartender at Flux when we witnessed this quirky salarian being tossed out of the place on his ass. He asked – no he begged for me to help him. Something about creating some software that would prove the Quasar Machines in Flux were rigged. Since we didn't have time to take care of it right then and there, I took his program and said I'd be back later tonight to check on it. I felt it was an underhanded way to get Liara back to the club tonight. Sneaky I know, but hey if it works. It wasn't too hard but I convinced Liara to take me up on that evening out. I told her it was my birthday today. She was all smiles when she told me that one's first hundred years are the best birthdays to be celebrated. I laughed, "The first hundred?"

Liara and I had a charming, semi-quiet dinner, despite having to sit in the kitchen to avoid all the fanfare and looky loos. Although one doesn't usually consider a restaurant kitchen area quiet, it sure beat the numerous patrons staring at us while we sat. The sound of clambering pots and pans along with yelled orders was paradise to us. Liara said she didn't mind so much as she was used to the small number of people on a dig site. Since I have lived on a space station most of my life, I rather enjoyed the serenity of it all myself although it seems to be an extreme luxury these days. After dinner we went for a stroll in the upper sections of the Presidium which earned us only a couple of gawks and stares. It was a lot different than our experience in the wards, making it really nice. I especially liked how the fake lighting dimed to give off the warm glow of a sunset. I have to say it was quite spectacular. I can only imagine what the asari must have thought of this place when they first discovered it.

After a couple of hours of wandering through the plazas we headed to Flux to make good on my promise. I used Schell's software on the Quasar Machines and we won more than we lost, but I attributed that to Liara's un-canning gambling luck rather than his software. Once we started attracting a crowd because of our good luck I decided, with the guidance of Liara, that this type of software wasn't necessarily a good thing and I turned it over to the club's owner, Doran.

After that, the night was ours. Although Liara did mention that she didn't particularly like the really loud music or the packed club, she was happy to be spending some time with me where we were not blowing something up. I asked her to dance expecting a nervous awkward asari to emerge. Instead I was more than pleasantly surprised when her hips started gyrating to the music. I felt like a tree branch blowing in the wind compared to her. Her body moved perfectly in tune with the base. I should have known that asari have an alluring way about them or there wouldn't be so many of them in the strip clubs. The more we danced the more I realized that there were less eyes on me, the first human spectre and more on her. I'm not normally the jealous type but there was a particularly drunk human, who came a lot closer than he realized to getting his ass handed to him.

I thought Liara would be mad by the way we bolted out of there but later as we strolled in the courtyard of the Citadel Tower, she informed me she was glad we left. It felt like the good old late night talks we used to have on the Normandy. The beautiful blooming cherry trees all around us just helped to enhance the ambiance. I didn't want tonight to end at all. The best part was that I didn't have to drop her off at some random apartment door or toss her into a skycab. I got to walk her back to the ship; my ship. I was able to say good night all proper and escort her right to the med lab.

Not that I was expecting anything, but as I turned to take my leave she reached out and gently placed her hand on my forearm. I don't know how to explain it exactly but it sent shivers up and down my spine. It was the best goodbye I ever had including a couple of extremely passionate good night kisses in my past. It's been about 20 minutes after I said good night to her and I think my heart is still racing. One thing is for sure, the next time Dr. Chakwas needs to listen to my heart, Liara is going to have to be off the ship; like in another solar system. Today was a good day!

Commander Shepard,

Commanding Officer, SSV Normandy Out!


	14. Chapter 14 Chora's Den

*** A/N **– I have lost my beta reader and am looking for a new one. If anyone in interested in Mass Effect stories and has lots of time to edit please contact me.** Thank you!**

**Data Log: 21831019**

Day three of shore leave for the SSV Normandy at the Citadel, birthing dock 4187 Gamma Platform. I haven't touched one stitch of paperwork or integrated a single systems upgrade since we landed. Between spending time with Liara, Tali, Wrex and Garrus I'm actually enjoying myself. Like the other night when we went to this gentlemen's club, Chora's Den on "official" business. I needed to talk to this scumbag named Harkin, when Wrex threatened some guy at the bar who bumped into him and we ended up with free drinks for the rest of the night.

It was a blast, not the half – well more than half, naked girls, but the food was really great, believe it or not. I actually got Liara to try a greasy Varren burger that dripped all over her hands and forearms. It was classic. Tali talked for hours about the mechanics of the club and how if they'd only move a wall or electrical panel here or there how much more efficient the place would be. Even Garrus threw in a couple of his C-sec horror stories on how he'd just wait at the strip clubs for a hard to find criminal and eventually they'd show up. He said they always did, sooner or later. I razed him about it big time, "Must have been so hard doing all that waiting."

I also asked Tali if she knew anything about the missing poker chips from the Normandy's poker night while Wrex was getting more drinks and Liara was in the ladies' facility. I knew I should have waited until she was a little more plastered before I asked her. I still can't get that sound out of my head. I never knew quarians could shriek that loud. Needless to say, my quarian friend, whom I know owe 7,000 credits worth of upgrades to for insulting her, didn't know anything about the missing poker chips.

Garrus however was nice enough to point out that I should ask Wrex about them. I informed him, as sober as I could at the time, 'Look I'm not stupid enough to accuse Wrex of stealing." Garrus added, "Perhaps a seasoned soldier and biotic or two could help you out with that." At first I relished in the idea of back up when Wrex returned with a tray of drinks it occurred to me, that Garrus nor Tali was included in that list of volunteers he offered. Shaking my head and shooting him a sneaky bastard look, Liara returned and asked what that look was for. I held up my drink and announced, "It's for all my damn good friends!" Cheers and howlers drowned out anything else.

Alliance Commander (deleted)

Spectre Shepard Out!


	15. Chapter 15 Volunteers

**Data Log Entry: 21831031**

Well shore leave has been over less than two weeks and it already feels like more than a month. I brought Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams planet side with me today to clear out another freakishly similar warehouse of bad guys. While Tali was opening the safe I pulled her aside and asked, "With all due respect..." She cut me off before I could even finish my question stating, "Why is it whenever someone says _'with all due respect'_ they really mean '_kiss my ass'_?" Immediately it pissed me off.

But then I remembered who this particular soldier was and all the shit she's had thrown in her face thanks to her grandfather so I calmly informed her, "Fair enough. I'm looking for info on the missing poker chips; do you know anything?" Within seconds of her saying "No!" and before she could build up any anger from my question, I swung my arm around her shoulders and quickly said, "Good. I didn't think you did but I had to make sure cuz I need to ask Wrex about it."

It didn't take long for the seasoned soldier to understand what I was asking. The boiling anger threatening to erupt from her face quickly evaporated; swiftly replaced by confusion then pride. "Sure thing Commander. Anything you need, I've got your back." With a friendly pat on her shoulder I responded, "Good! Now let's go see what Tali found in that safe."

K. Shepard Out!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

**Data Log Entry: 21831101**

During another one of Tali's critical engine failure drills I found myself in the mess hall going after something to drink. The flashing lights and sirens were blaring throughout the ship when I turned to Dr. Chakwas who was pouring herself a fresh cup of mojo. "You know between Tali and Adams, I think they stay up all night creating different catastrophic scenarios just so they can run their drills." Stirring her Harvey's Bristol Cream in her cup, the doctor smiled warmly at the thought.

After discarding her straw she turned to me and asked, "Are you going down there for the drill?" I gave a hearty laugh, "Are you kidding me? That's the 5th one this week. They don't need me down there. Those two are having the time of their life." Suddenly the lights and sirens switched off as Tali's jubilant voice echoed throughout the ship, "All Engineering personnel please report to the Engine room at once. All Engineering personnel please report to the Engine room at once."

Amused, I shook my head and thought, 'Tali, during a mass engine failure, there should be at least a tinge of fear in your voice. Instead of sounding like you're announcing guided tours on the Citadel.'

Opening my refrigerated canister of cold water I took a large gulp as I spied LT. Alenko by his station. Originally I planned on saying, 'With all due respect.' But after Ash's reply I thought I'd just come right out with it. Blowing out a heavy sigh I half whispered over to the doctor before she returned to the medical lab. "What do you know about LT. Alenko?"

Taking the opportunity to speak frankly with her commander, the good doctor delicately picked up a piece of sliced fruit from a plate on the counter and started. "I've never worked with him before this mission." The older woman placed the juicy fruit in her mouth as our eyes glanced over at Alenko, ensuring we were out of earshot.

"He keeps to himself though, probably because of the headaches." The doctor popped a grape in her mouth and continued, "It can't be easy being an L-2."

Not understanding her meaning, I questioned, "What's that got to do with it?" She leaned against the counter, eyeing the fruit dish, "Most biotics now use L-3 technology. He has the older L-2 hard wired." I watched as she carefully chose another piece of fresh fruit, scratching my temple for a moment before I said, "I still don't get it Doc'."

Her smile from the salacious fruit quickly turned more solemn. She cleared her throat before she spoke again; this time focusing entirely on me. "L-2's suffer from complications including severe mental disabilities, insanity, and crippling physical pain; there's a long list of horrific side effects. Kaiden's lucky, he only gets migraines."

Shocked by this information, I turned and gawked at him. Thankful he was engrossed in his work; I placed a meaningful hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Thanks Doc'." Dr. Chakwas nodded as she walked back to her medical bay; her vivacious hunger for the fruit gone over the sad history behind LT. Alenko.

Sometimes a Commander has to make decisions we're not happy about. So with that in mind, I walked over to the young Lieutenant. "Hey, got a minute Lieutenant?" He practically jolted away from his teleprompter. "Yes Ma'am! I mean Commander." _'He did it again, something about the way he calls me Commander, makes my skin crawl. Keep it professional Katherine.'_ I thought to myself. "I was wondering if you could help me with a little problem LT."

I shifted my weight nervously which had more to do with the Krogan Battlemaster than the man in front of me. "See, some poker chips went missing from the Normandy's poker night and I need to ask Wrex about it." The dark haired man immediately put his hands up and started to back away. I jumped at the opportunity before he had a chance to reply. "Exactly, see I need a biotic to come with me."

His head started shaking back and forth like one of those earth hula dolls. "No, No, No. I mean. I can't help you with that." I knew a frown of disappointment blanketed my face; however, he still continued, "Sorry ma'am, but unless this is official business, I'd like to keep my bone structure exactly as it is." I couldn't help blast the man in my head, '_You wuss! Ash has a bigger pair than you do man. She was happy to help out.'_

A brief thought flashed across my mind; Gunny Chief Williams, proudly standing with a humungous set of balls, lovingly caressing a braided leather riding crop; while a tiny version of Alenko held up his hands and pleaded, 'Please! Please! Don't hurt me. I'm only a coward!' I couldn't help laughing as I gently lowered his hands, "Ok, Ok, Alenko. You're dismissed of your structural reconfiguration treatment."

Towering above our heads, the loud speaker filled the air with Dr. Chakwas' sweet voice. "Commander, I expect you to inform me _BEFORE_ you have this 'encounter' with Wrex." Almost laughing at the nonsense of it she added, "I'd like to have the necessary medical equipment on standby" Only slightly humoring her I replied, "Will do Doc'!", and the speaker box went silent. Needing a quick escape, I looked over at the elevator and said, "I better go check on the engine room. I sure hope we didn't fail the drill." I gave the Lt. a vague smile, did an about face and was promptly out of there. 

In the elevator I tried to plan out my confrontation with Wrex as if I were planning a full scale war. I even had my Chief Medical Officer standing by in case there were casualties. I laughed out loud, "In case? You mean, _when_ there ARE causalities." I counted up my assets and my weaknesses against the Krogan Battlemaster; It wasn't looking good on my side. Playing with an imaginary hair on my chin, I pushed the button for the cargo bay and thought, "I need more volunteers!"

- K. Shepard Out!


	16. Chapter 16 Pulling Awa

**Data Log Entry: 21831108**

I feel like I am starting to pull away from some of the crew…well, maybe pull away is not exactly the right term. Drifting apart? More and more of my time seems to be spent with the aliens aboard the ship. I eat with them, I take them on our missions, and what little spare time I have is spent conversing with them as I am usually either in the engine room or in the med lab. They are just stronger, more equipped and more versatile. With the right combination, they are simply a superior force. Am I turning my back on mankind? I was after all, hand selected by the counsel. I served them not the Alliance anymore.

Tonight at dinner, I could feel the stares from my human crew on the back of my head as I sat with Tali and Liara on the mess decks. They were deep in conversation with Tali completely excited about what she was discussing. Probably some technical garble that's foreign even to me but anytime Liara didn't understand a technical term she would tilt her head a little and squint her eyes and Tali would stop in mid sentence and explain the term to her. She was very good at making sure Liara completely understood what she was talking about; especially when it came to technical jargon. Which is great because half the time I didn't know what Tali was talking about either.

None of the humans ever took such care in making sure Liara understood things or was included; except of course Dr. Chakwas, but thankfully she is pretty much exempt from every stereotype. To the rest of the crew though, it seemed like an inside joke to see how much they could get away with while poking fun at the young Prothean expert. It didn't matter that she was older than most of their grandparents or that she had traveled more of the universe in her short life compared to all of us put together.

If I sat back and thought hard enough about it, I would probably say they were being down right cruel. Was this just another unconscious reason why I preferred the company of the aliens? If I took disciplinary actions towards them, surely the gap in my allegiance between the humans and the aliens would widen. I'm a little torn on the subject and even more frustrated that I have to consider it.

Nonetheless, I genuinely enjoy the aliens' stories. They are so passionate and straightforward and don't seem to engage in the emotional games humans so like to play. They basically say what is on their minds. No wonder Liara had such a problem adapting to the human crew when she first joined us. I fear that had she known the intent behind the subtle hints the crew used towards her, she would've hid in her office and never come out again.

As this anguishes stews deep in my stomach, I also feel; I'm not like them. I was hand chosen by the Counsel. Never before had a human been given the opportunity to stand with the elite: a Human Spectre. Don't I deserve to stand above the rest and not just represent mankind; but the entire galaxy? Why doesn't this reassure me, as I feel it should?

As the knot in my stomach twists even more, I wish Liara was here right now. Somehow she always makes me feel better; she's the calming to the storm, raging inside of me. Something about those purebred blue eyes I think help out a lot too.

- Shepard Out

**A/N:** This was written a LONG time ago, like months ago so forgive me if it doesn't fit in my current writing style. (sheepish grin)


	17. Chapter 17 Noveria

**Data Log Entry: 21831111**

My evening discussions with Liara have resumed. I can't believe how much more focused I am on everything else. I really look forward to our nightly talks, which seem to be habit forming, as we wander about the ship aimlessly. I find myself counting the hours as soon as I wake up.

Katherine

**Data Log Entry: 21831115**

**0330 hours**

I can't sleep. The Normandy is on its way to Noveria. The Council believes Saren is involved with some activities on Peak 15 and they also have reports indicating Matriarch Benezia is planet side. This has kept me up all night. My body can only take so much physical exercise and poor Ash has been my sparring partner for the last two days; so I'm giving her the day off when we reach the planet. She deserves it.

I've been pacing in my cabin for the last half hour. I'm worried about how things will play out because I know the job I have to do and I wonder about how Liara will react if we have to do the inevitable. I couldn't imagine putting my own mother down. God that would be awful: Captain Hannah Shepard, killed by her own daughter. It hasn't even happened yet and I am already getting that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. I hope Joker isn't in his normal feisty mood. I don't want to project on him something that doesn't belong to him.

I can't help but think how Liara will feel. Shit, maybe I should take Ash with me. I know she'll keep me strong when push comes to shove. Perhaps this is why Alliance personnel shouldn't fraternize. Good thing she's not Alliance; heck, she's not even officially part of the crew. She's more of an authorized observer and I would love to leave her behind but after reading Matriarch Benezia's file for the umpteenth time; I am going to need every advantage I can get. In the back of my head I keep hoping that we'll walk in there, the Matriarch will see Liara and just surrender; not wanting to hurt her own daughter. It could happen! _Yeah Shep, in an alternate universe maybe. _

**0417 hours**

I just finished reading the Matriarch's profile again; and I can't find any weaknesses. I didn't even know she had the ability to retrieve information from an unwilling participant. It's called Mind Rape. I can't even imagine what that must feel like and here I was a little weirded out when Liara and I exchanged a knowledge meld; but someone taking it by force? Liara said that I had instinctively put up barriers in my mind when she entered, causing it to drain her more quickly than a normal meld. I'll have to ask her if that might help me should the Matriarch try to meld with me.

Part of me really wishes the Matriarch and I could have met under much better circumstances; however I have a feeling, she might not be too pleased with Liara palling around with a human. I guess it's more than just palling around though, huh? Talk about a very unhappy mother; perhaps it's better this way. I'm hunting her rather than her hunting me.

**0445 hours**

The mess sergeant was making chow so I went out and grabbed an early bite to eat. I tried forcing some of it down but as I peer over at the half eaten bowl next to my terminal, I obviously didn't do that good of a job. The way my insides are churning, I feel like I have a couple of ulcers in my stomach right about now.

I have been trying to decide who to take with me down to Noveria. It's a research facility with incredibly tight security. I want to go in with the lowest profile possible; so sorry Wrex and Garrus, you are staying onboard. Not that I don't trust your expertise, but I need to keep a low profile and walking in with a Krogan Battlemaster and a former C-Sec officer, on a research facility that prides itself on barely recognizing council authority, is sure to raise an eyebrow or two.

I even thought of bringing LT. Alenko but I need someone who is going to react to my orders not dissect them. I am very confident on this mission it will be the difference between life and death. Which reminds me, I need to have Dr. Chakwas prepare for the worst in case I come back riddled with bullet holes or worse, suffering from a hemorrhage caused by a very powerful warp.

So far, I have decided to take Liara with me. I am going to need her biotics against the Matriarch and whatever else might pop up. I'm still trying to decide between Ash or Tali. It is a research facility so I doubt they will have the manpower for a straight up firefight. However, I can see a lot of security barriers and locked doors in store for me, so it would probably be better for the young quarian to be a part of my ground team. She can handle all the security devices and any hacking; plus, she's also pretty good with a gun if they don't throw anything super heavy at us. I really wish that damn Mako could hold more than three personnel.

I wish I could get a jump start on the mission and go talk it over with Liara but I think it's still a little too early for her, but then again, she could be awake and already thinking about the mission. She's probably wondering if I will even take her with me. If she only knew how much I really trusted her; heck, it's not like I let just anyone tinker around inside my head.

**0615 hours**

I received word from Joker. We are due planet side at 0830 hours. He told me it was a restricted landing station and I told him to land this bird wherever he could find space and shoot anyone who got in our way. He seemed rather excited about the idea, but I know my pilot rather well and although he would never intentionally shoot someone out of the sky without probable cause; we share the same warm fuzzy feeling one gets when you fire up those GARDIAN laser systems. It is a very intimidating sight if I do say so myself; besides, someone should at least enjoy the day a little.

~ Spectre Shepard – Systems Alliance Commander

**1900 hours**

Squad has returned to the ship. Mission a success.

**2230 hours**

I have never hated this job until now. I just spent the last four hours holding a young woman while she cried over the death of her mother and to make matters worse; she died by my hand, for God's sake. I have never felt so powerless before, so ashamed of my actions; though it was required of me. What can I say? What could I say? I had to kill your mother to protect the Universe? Even the words betray the feelings in my chest. If it kills me or even gets me fired; I will see to it that the Matriarch gets a proper burial on Thessia and is excused for her actions, as she was under the influence of Sovereign's Indoctrination. It is but a small comfort I can offer to Liara for the heinous act I preformed today.

**2257 hours**

The Matriarch provided us the coordinates for the Mu Relay before she fell. I will send word to the Council requesting permission to continue my pursuit of Saren into the Terminus Systems. I will bring that damn rogue Spectre to justice for what he did to the Matriarch and to Liara. For the T'Soni family; I seek justice.

~ Katherine Shepard Out!


	18. Chapter 18 System's Check

**Data Log Entry: 21831130**

As we headed to our next location, I had the Normandy run a full systems check. It kept the crew busy while allowing me to catch up on my reports. Paperwork: even in our advanced age; you still need a form, to fill out a form, about a form you were already filling out.

While at my battle station today, I thought about the missing poker chips again. It's become more of a game than any real concern. It did make me chuckle remembering how I had threatened to send Garrus back to C-Sec if he didn't help me question Wrex about the chips; although, I'm not sure which outcome he might fear more. Nevertheless, it's good to have another 'volunteer.'

I also spoke with Tali, who to my surprise said she would be happy to help. When I asked her why she suddenly changed her mind, she just said she was following Garrus' lead at the bar and really didn't mind helping; though she wasn't sure how she could help but she would try. Despite her reservations however, it was Tali who proposed the idea for us to lock Wrex in the mako when we ask him about the missing poker chips. She assured me she could power down the rover's systems from outside the vehicle and its triple enforced walls _should_ in theory, be able to handle any outburst from the krogan.

She seemed to be laughing under her face mask when she added, "Besides, he couldn't hurt the mako anymore than your driving." Somehow, I felt she was poking fun at her commander by making a joke about my driving, but she's an outstanding engineer who has saved my butt on more than one occasion, so I will let it slide. Besides, we always get to our intended destination in one piece, so surely my driving can't be that bad; can it?

~ K.J. Shepard Out!


	19. Chapter 19  Just Good Friends

**Data Log Entry: 21831202**

I have the overwhelming feeling that something really bad is coming. Perhaps that is to be expected after the day I had.

Williams made a tasteless joke today about Liara in the cargo bay. "Let's ask the Professor about her sex life. I'm sure we will find it illuminating." It really bent me out of shape. I had to walk away before I ripped her head off. I knew Ash wasn't keen on aliens, but I never thought she'd stoop that low to make fun of one.

I went across the hall to the engine room to see my young quarian friend, to help me calm down. Tali brought it to my attention that perhaps, I am feeling a little protective over Liara. She says that I'm worse then an over protective father figure. I lash out at anyone who tries to hurt Liara. She gave me two examples: "Remember what you did to that krogan battlemaster who tried to kidnap her? And what about the batarian you pulverized because he said, 'Nice ass' to Liara?"

Sitting here I am beginning to wonder, was it true? Do I treat her differently then anyone else? I guess I can see where sometimes I do, but it's because she's not used to this cruel world. I told Tali, that she comes from a very different place. She is full of innocence and purity. "Really?" she blasted me, "Then why is it she can move a 2 ton shipping crate like it didn't weight a thing? Doesn't sound like someone who needs an awful lot of protection, if you ask me."

"Shepard, perhaps it's time you realized that you and Liara…." Her words faded off but I got the gist of it.

I hesitantly replied to her, "Not just good friends?"

So here I am sitting in my cabin, wondering how I got myself in this situation. I didn't mean to like her. I mean it's pretty much against Alliance fraternization regulations, however she isn't Alliance. Hell, she's not even a crewmember. She's more of an honorary guest; a prothean expert helping us with our mission.

As much as I like to dwell on this, I have to remain focused on the bigger picture right now, bringing down the rogue Spectre, Saren Arterius.

~ Katherine J.


	20. Chapter 20 Virmire

**Data Log Entry: 21831213 **

**0430 hours**

I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom. Like waiting for the pendulum to drop, I had the sinking feeling something horrible was about to happen and didn't sleep at all last night. We received orders from the Council regarding activity on Virmire that could lead us directly to Saren. He's been hiding out there; conducting some research, perhaps preparing his own personal army. It seems to be getting worse. The more forces he commands and resources he gains, the smaller I feel. How is the Normandy supposed to take down an entire army?

**0845 hours**

The Council has confirmed both the coordinates and Saren's activities on Virmire. The Normandy is headed there now. We are nearing the Hawking Eta mass relay in preparation for our jump to the Sentry Omega system. I'm going to the loading dock to ensure the mako and our equipment is ready.

**1112 hours**

The Normandy is about to enter the orbit around Virmire. Shepard, hang tough! You will succeed and make it out alive; WITH YOUR CREW. Please God or Goddess out there, let my gut feeling be wrong!

~ Shepard Out

**2303 hours**

Lieutenant Alenko died in combat today on Virmire. He was an honorable soldier who valiantly gave his life in support of his comrades and will be remembered as a hero. I have recommended he receive the Medal of Galactic Valor for his bravery.

Commander K. J. Shepard, Spectre

Commanding Officer, SSV Normandy

Alliance, Fifth Fleet Out


	21. Chapter 21 Guilt

**Data Log Entry: 21831220 **

**0230 hours**

It's 0230 in the morning and I can't sleep worth a damn. My head aches with guilt. I was thinking about LT. Alenko today. Did I make the right decision? Losing a member of your crew is always hard, but I lost him because I chose him. I picked him to die. Fuck!

Dlkfjad;lkjaer [gojongrnfadlgk (deleted entry)

Sorry about that. I'm just so frustrated. I can't sleep which is pissing me off more.

I still can't believe I chose him to die. I honestly thought we'd have time to come back for him after we picked up Ash and the STG team. God he just had to stay with that damn bomb, didn't he? I feel so awful. I'm so angry right now at Saren. All this for some 'master' plan of his. How many more have to die? First it was Liara's mother, now Alenko, it doesn't seem fair. I am trying to remain focused understanding that some have to die in order to save millions; maybe even trillions in this vast galaxy.

The more I try to push Alenko's death to the side, the more it comes to my foremind. I'm trying to image his dad's face when the uniformed men come knocking on his door. His father retired from the service; a 22 year war veteran. He's going to know what's going on as soon as they walk up. Man, I've met his dad! What's he going to say when they tell him, Commander Shepard picked him to die? Shit this sucks. God this sucks no wonder I can't sleep!

I can't help but wonder if I didn't picked him subconsciously because of the differences we were having. Did I purposely send him to his death? The guilt is giving me an ulcer. I haven't been able to keep anything down for the last couple of days. I think I've been able to hide it pretty well but I noticed that Dr. Chakwas has been giving me the "I'm watching you" eye today. So knowing her, its only going to be a matter of time before she bust in here demanding some answers. What am I supposed to tell my ship's doctor? _Your captain is cracking up because she is so guilt ridden for purposely sending Lieutenant Alenko to his death?_

Great! I just had another awful assumption, what if I chose him because of the way he was treating Liara. Oh Goddess, I feel like I am going mad. I need some relief, if I could just get some sleep; anything even a couple of hours and I'd be able to bounce right back from this. I don't understand why this is tearing at me so. I've had others die under my command. Hell, I didn't even mourn Ensign Jenkins half this much. And he was just a kid. Why is this so different? Why do I feel so awful? I wish I could talk to Liara but I doubt she's awake at 0240 in the morning. She'd know what to say though. I could really use her right now.

~ Shepard out

**0410 hours **

I still can't sleep. I went and worked out trying to clear my head. It didn't help. I'm only more exhausted and my knuckles are bleeding now. I need to remember to tell Garrus to patch up the punching bag again. This is the 3rd time this month its needed a repair. I probably had more to do with that than I'm willing to admit. I've had a lot on my mind lately.

In fact, my head is still spinning. But at least now it's a more pleasant subject. Now I can't stop thinking about Liara. (deleted entry)

Professor Liara T'Soni. (deleted entry)

Professor T'Soni (deleted entry)

Liara.

Her intelligence, sweet and innocent demeanor is like a breath of fresh air. Never before have I seen such a rich colored blue as her eyes have. I could stare into for hours. Sometimes, I think I have but she's never said anything. I wonder what she thinks of my green ones. You know, I've never asked her. I'll have to ask her the next time I see her. Speaking of the next time I run into her, I just thought about the way is which she moves about the ship. It's like she floats. I never hear her footsteps, I wonder if it's an asari thing. But when she does move, it is so alluring. I like observing the hypnotic way she drifts about. Something about the way she moves makes you stare, and I'm not the only one. I've caught other crewmembers, men mostly but others stare at her too. I guess I can see why she feels so out of place on the ship sometimes.

The Professor is also a very powerful biotic with great fighting skills. She was well training in combat. I can tell that her mom made sure she at least knew how to protect herself. And who could blame her, knowing that the young asari would be visiting isolated dig sites for months or even years at a time. I can only imagine how her mother must have worried about her. She does have a knack for finding trouble whether it's on purpose or not.

I could sit and think of a million reasons why we need her on the team. She has contributed so much to the missions. Her biotic are unquestionably powerful and the smoothness and curves of her face. I wonder what that feels like. I'd like to find out one day. The way that green scientist smock clings to her luscious figure. Um – uh. I have to go now.

~ Shepard out


	22. Chapter 22 My Hero

**Data Log Entry: 21831221**

**0915 hours**

I knew it! Dr. Chakwas caught me tossing my breakfast in the head. Sometimes I swear that woman has a nose like a hound dog for sniffing out trouble with the crew. Well I knew it was coming. I mentioned it in my data log last night. So after receiving a lecture about not coming to see her at the first sign of trouble, Dr. Chakwas asked what was going on. I told her what was going on and to my surprise she told me, that she'd be concerned if I wasn't feeling guilty over Alenko's death. He was an outstanding soldier and I had been working with him for some time. His loss would be felt harder than the others. That was good to hear.

She gave me something to settle my stomach and a sedative to make me sleep. Boy am I ever thankful for that!

She said I should be out until early evening. I already informed Presley that he has the con. And I put Ash in charge of security until I get back on my feet. Dr. Chakwas said she would come in and check on me every couple of hours. I'm lucky to have such a great crew.

Although I hope I remember to get her back for ensuring that I wasn't throwing up because I was _pregnant._ I'm sure if looks could have killed, I'd be looking for a new Chief Medical Officer by now. I'm sure her heart was in the right place, it felt more like some sneaky medical tactic to loosen me up about what was really going on. Maybe I actually owe her. When we hit the Citadel again, I'll have to grab her a bottle of that brandy she likes so much. Thanks, Dr. C.

~ Shepard Out

**0922 hours**

I was just informed by Dr. Chakwas that to make sure I was eating properly again, she was going to have Liara deliver my meals and instructed her to watch me eat until every bit was gone. Lucky crew in deed.


	23. Chapter 23 Catch Up

**Data Log Entry****: 21840309 **

**0300 hours**

Commander Shepard here, sorry it has been so long since I have written in my personal journal. Other life factors have been keeping me very busy. It seems like ages ago that I last entered my last log.

Well, besides a new stiff right shoulder from falling about six feet in a mining cavern, and a nice gash across my left hand from a cowardly batarian who absolutely refused to acknowledge he had lost, I am holding up pretty well. And since this is my personal journal, I would like to take a moment to bitch about why it is that every time you have a nasty slice on your hand, your hand mysteriously finds every edge and corner to scrap itself against, all on its own? Anyone reading this has the answer, I would greatly appreciate it. Just send a corresponding email to my address. Which means if you are already reading my journal, then you already have my email address, as you were clever enough to break into my personal journal in the first place.

Ok, I am starting to sound a little loopy now. It is 0315 in the morning. Shocker, I can't sleep _again_, so I am taking this opportunity to catch up on paperwork. I'm not sure why they still call it that, as a piece of paper hasn't been used by the military in decades. I guess the grueling task of "official processing" needed a slang term and paperwork did the trick.

Well it is late enough I guess. I will try to get some shut eye if possible. If not, I guess I will be counting the welds on the ceiling above my bed for the umpteenth time.

Commander Shepard – 3rd Fleet Alliance Out

SR1 Normandy – Frigate Class


	24. Chapter 24 Engine Springs

**Data Log Entry: 21840315**

**0915 hours**

Commander K.J. Shepard here. After running around for the last couple of hours in a panic, because the ship lost main auxiliary power, it has come to my attention that is perfectly normal for the, what did Tali call it again, oh yes, 'a main propulsion combustible liquidized inhibitor' to fail; or after I asked her to dumb it down, 'a spring that makes the engine go vroom vroom.' It appears that the new engineer that we picked up at our last stop, accidently put the engine spring in backwards. And although I was personally freaking out that my ship was floating around in space without POWER, Lieutenant Commander Adams assured me that this type of black out is perfectly normal. Not to mention, Adams guaranteed me that the 3rd class engineer will never make that mistake again; especially when he saw how angry I got.

So after being ensured that all other life support systems were on line; as well as the emergency back up systems, and when Pressley stated that the _Normandy_ couldn't have picked a better place to go DIS, (Dead In Space), I thought I would take this opportunity to catch up for some lagging journal entries. I guess I should consider myself lucky. I am one of the few who has at least some power surging through my work space. Dr. Chakwas is another, but I believe when I last walked by the med lab, it looked like they were having a rowdy rematch of poker using the lights from one of the life support units. I can only imagine what Captain Anderson would think if he saw that. Oh who am I kidding, he'd probably be over there right now, beating them all. – Ha, that just made me laugh out loud at the image of it.

Well, ok back to business, below are a few important details I wanted to share.

While out visiting some of his old C-Sec buddies, Garrus caught wind that some sick doctor, who used to grow organs specifically for the black market, was back in business again. This so called 'doctor' would grow organs in living donors and didn't care what happened to the host afterwards. It was pretty gruesome. Garrus showed me some of the files he was able to get his hands on about the guy. It apparently was a long on-going case for him that prevented Garrus from actually bringing in that son of a bitch because of bureaucratic red tape. He of course, asked if I could help since spectres don't exactly have to follow all the rules.

The mission was actually pretty easy, and allowed me to get in some shooting practice with Liara. However, when we finally got the guy, I though Garrus was going to come right out of his skin. He wanted to rip that guy apart. I told him that killing the prick would only shorten his suffering. But, taking him in would prolong his suffering in a jail cell for about thirty more years. He finally came around to my way of thinking, plus I allowed him a little one on one time with the scum bag down in the brig, if he promised not to kill him. I felt that after this mission, Garrus changed a bit. He seems harder now. I will see what I can do about taking him out for a drink when we get back to the Citadel.

While we were on the Citadel, I helped Wrex and Tali take care of a little personal business. We paid an unexpected visit to an old friend of Tali's, Fist. I also caught wind that he had been bothering Dr. Chloe Michel again in the lower ward's clinic. That bad excuse for a haircut sure was a worthless bag of bones, who seemed to be ruining the reputation of humans the best he could. Needless to say, Fist won't be collecting anymore paychecks. He did say something during Tali's 'improvised interrogation procedures', when he was sniveling like a big old baby; he mentioned that he was working for someone called the Shadow Broker. Evidently this person or persons is quite powerful. Wrex also informed me that the Shadow Broker luckily doesn't choose sides. They are only in it for the money. I'm still chewing that one over. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Let's just hope I never cross paths with this person.

After dropping off Garrus' excommunicated organ harvester, Ash convinced me to haul the ship on over to the Alliance's Pinnacle station to brush up on some battle techniques. In my personal opinion the request was really for her R&R. And looking back at it, so did most of my squad. Anyway, while we were there practicing cohesive fighting techniques, a couple of Ash's sisters came out to visit.

I was impressed to see the gunny more relaxed on the 'working' station, especially when her family arrived. She seemed to be more open to non-humans on the station, not completely but a little. It was good to see.

However, somewhere along the line, Williams has picked up a sixteenth century nickname of calling me 'skipper' lately. It makes me feel like I should be walking on wooden planks, bossing people around and raiding villages. Humph? Well, two out of three ain't bad. I guess the nickname is starting to grow on me; 'skipper'. It's strange; it feels both odd, yet comforting.

Ash can still be a little intense when it comes to Liara, or other aliens. Maybe I should include her on one of my late night visits to the med lab. I believe Dr. Chawkas' Ice Brandy might do the trick and finally loosen that girl up a bit. If not, the night would at least prove fruitful and provide me with something I can blackmail the girl into being more friendly to the aliens. Especially after one of her younger sisters seemed to be, shall I suggest, _flirting_ with Garrus. She seemed awfully impressed by his 'long sniper rifle'. (That is me snickering mischievously, while I twiddle my thumbs) It's good to be captain.

On another interesting note, while we were on the Pinnacle Station, Joker somehow convinced Dr. Chakwas to go out drinking with him. They hit the local bar, and to his great surprise, there were a couple squads of asari commandos there. While his version of the story differs _a great deal_ from Dr. Chakwas' version, he ensures me that he was simply putting out the "I'm not interested in blue women" signals, where Chakwas said it wasn't her fault that the commandos found her more pleasurable than the young pilot. She also joked that perhaps it was her intellect, or her knowledge of asari physiology that most interested them. I never laughed so hard. I could hear that story a million times. You should have seen Joker's face when the doc told her side of the story, priceless. I can't wait until our next get together, according to the ship's records my chief medical officer didn't return to the ship until 0448 the next day, and has been quite beside herself the last few days. I asked her about her it and she politely told me, "A doctor can't always divulge all her secrets commander." The way that statement floated off her lips, has thoroughly intrigued me, and damn if I can't do anything about it. I have instructed the Procurement Officer to order two extra bottles of the expensive Serrice Ice Brandy, on my tab. I am on a mission.


	25. Chapter 25 Delayed Entry

**Data Log Entry: **** 21840317**

**0115 hours**

I purposely left out any mention of Professor T'Soni in the last entry. Not sure why, I guess I was trying to record the more professional matters at hand but realized, this is my personal journal. It's supposed to be about my personal thoughts. It also doesn't help that I have this eerie feeling that one day, Liara will be reading these journals at length. I also want to make sure there are official recordings of how much the professor has contributed immensely to the mission of stopping Saren, and how she is redeeming her family name. Although she hasn't spoke of it, I can tell that sometimes the memory of her mother weights heavy on her mind. When I ask about it, she informs me that it is not customary for the asari to mourn those who have been lost; part of their long views on life.

Seeing a lot of death in my time, I can tell she often thinks and misses her mother Matriarch Benezia. When I see that she is really down, I have her tell me a story about her mother in happier times. It usually seems to do the trick to lifting her spirits. Besides, that glowing smile she gets when telling the stories is a special bonus for me. She really loved her mother. I love when she glows like that. Makes me wonder if she'll ever glow like that for someone else again. Perhaps.

** Shepard Out **

**Additional Entry: 0137 hours** – Still haven't discovered who stole the poker chips from Poker Night. And now I am was informed by the ship's cook, someone has been breaking into the spare rations stealing jars of pickled jalapeno peppers.


	26. Chapter 26 Xmas

***ERROR MESSAGE***

**STATUS:****URGENT**

**FILE IMPROPERLY TRANSFERRED – POSSIBLE ENCRYPTION CORRUPTION **

_**Contact your supervisor immediately about potential breach of security. Navtell Code 4298-7 **_

_SR1 Normandy –Engineering Department – PMS Log # 5287-13PL _

**Data Log Entry: **** 21840326**

I recently found this file in the wrong place. I know it is a little late, since Christmas was over three months ago, but after re-reading it, I decided to transfer it to where it belongs; regardless of what my terminal keeps saying. I originally filed it under quarterly PMS (pre-maintenance schedule), what can I say, I was a 'little' hung over when I made the entry.

So to the poor office sap sitting miles away from civilization, who is being forced to read these journal entries, I say _enjoy_.

S-

**Data Log Entry: 21831225**

Christmas Party onboard the _Normandy_

With Tali's help, Joker was using his new leg amplifiers that allowed him to dance. Well that is, if that is what you called dancing. Just kidding Joker, it was awesome. It was quite a site to see.

LCDR Presley seemed to be enjoying himself since I gave him the night off. I stayed sober and took control of the ship for the evening. Who would have ever thought he was an expert at Pictionary. Boy he can drawl. I never saw the comm display so elaborately decorated.

Tomorrow morning, I need to have Tali and Adams inspect the bulkhead in the mess hall for structural integrity. After drinking a couple of bottles of Ryncol, I think Wrex head-butted it one too many times. Looking over it this evening, I swear it is definitely looks warped. Always good to have a krogan on board.

Speaking of my wonderfully delightful engineering genius, I never knew quarians could get drunk; much less that tipsy. Tali was dancing on the table, slurring her words. Thank goodness she is light as a feather. I had Garrus tote her down to her bunk after the party. But overall, I think she had a particularly great time.

And talk about someone having a good time, boy get a couple of glasses of brandy in Miss Chakwas and let the good times roll. She loosened right up and let those old war stories of her fly. I was also unexpectedly made aware that she could sing. But to my great surprise, not only could she sing, she sounded like the voice of an angel. I don't think there was a closed mouth in the whole place when she sang "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing".

Garrus sure did like the evergreen tree. I'm not sure I know why, or want to know, how he figured out it was a tasty snack. The good news is I won't have to worry about disposing of the tree. I have a feeling giving him the remainder of the tree would be the best Christmas present he ever had.

Ash finally let her hair down, and I don't think Garrus is ever really going to be able to look at her in the same manner again. I too was surprised; she was having such a good time talking to him all night. Now granted the conversation wasn't exactly what I had anticipated, but who is being picky. I guess one can talk about new guns, weapon mods and explosives all night. But then again, I did see Dr. Chakwas lingering around the eggnog just a little too long. Maybe that helped.

Sadly, the only one not really partaking in the festivities was Liara. I actually felt bad for her. She said she was never very good around people. That is why she preferred archeology. She briefly participated and mingled with a few people, so overall she looked like she was enjoying herself. I'll have to visit her after this to make sure she is ok. Maybe I'll show her this movie Joker has been bugging me to watch. He assures me it is an asari classic. Crap, what was it called? He must have mentioned it a dozen times. Oh yes, Vaenia. He said it was a film from Thessian. It might help her if she's homesick. I'll check the ship's data base to see if we can watch it on the big screen in the conference room.

Oh, tonight I almost took my own life in my own hands. Crazy I know, but I seriously almost took the opportunity to ask Wrex about those missing poker chips. But finally I decided against it after I saw the indentation he left in the bulkhead. I did however, ask Dr. Chakwas about them, and she couldn't stop laughing. I swear I saw eggnog shoot out of her nose. I never did get a straight answer out of her. So that leaves me wondering, if she laughed that hard, does that mean she took them or she didn't? I don't think I am any closer to recovering the missing chips. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter tonight.

Merry Christmas to all and Peace on Earth!

Katherine Jane Shepard Out

Commanding Officer SSV Normandy

P.S. Tomorrow I have to schedule the emergency flood system in the cargo bay. It has come to my attention that tomorrow, there maybe a sudden excess of water down there, and a hell of a lot of Evergreens; which Garrus has absolutely begged for. However I must admit, that little snow making gun Tali built, sitting over there on my coffee table, is quite impressive.


	27. Chapter 27 Thresher Maw

**Data Log Entry: 2184 04 24**

**1700 hours **

Dear Alliance Intelligence Officer who is reading this, it has been a while since I last journaled but let's face it: I have a busy life. I can't write every minute of every day; I do have a galaxy to save after all. So without further ado, let's get on with it.

We just left the ever so beautifully pleasant planet of Edolus. It is a medium sized planet, being twice the size of Earth in the Sparta System; and second planet from the sun. Admiral Kahoku requested that we investigate as one of his recon teams, consisting of a small squadron of his Alliance Marines, had gone silent after searching for a distress beacon on the planet.

Edolus is a terrestrial planet with an atmosphere of carbon dioxide and nitrogen. Its surface is covered by wide deserts of silicate sand, with only a few areas of igneous rock highlands to break the abrasive, dust-choked wind. Edolus' orbit is congested with debris thrown inwards by the gravity of the gas giant Ontamalca, Sparta's fourth planet. Due to a high rate of meteor impacts, exploration is highly dangerous.

That is what the report read, so I thought nothing too horrible to deal with right? WRONG! When we landed we were taken by how beautiful the planet truly was. It appeared to have large open green lands crowned by majestic purple mountains. It was hard to tell how strong the winds actually were before Liara informed me, the mako was already all over the place. It couldn't possibly been the winds forcing the assault vehicle to drive like a vorcha on red sand she said.

Anyway, we were able to locate the Alliance Marine's beacon rather quickly as Joker did a superb job of getting us pretty close to it. The transponder could be seen from a good distance away as it stood out in the middle of a large flat crater. Heading straight for it, it didn't take long to get there.

However, no more than 100 clicks from the transmitter, to my absolute great surprise, an incredibly large – no enormous – creature pops out of the ground like a damn viper. Its entire head opened up and hissed at us. I couldn't believe my eyes. This thing must have been about 200 clicks high and there was defiantly more of it under the ground.

After Liara and Tali heard more colorful language than they ever hoped to hear again, the damn thing started spitting at us when I couldn't get that damn mako turned around fast enough. Of course, I didn't show any panic or fear. I only swore up a storm because I couldn't get the mako's controls to do what I wanted them to do. I even had Joker on the comm trying to figure out why the mako wasn't responding properly.

Luckily I had reversed just enough to hide behind the Marine's M29 Assault Vehicle. It was only after Liara had yelled at me, "Our hull integrity is being compromised Commander!" for the third time, I didn't think it couldn't get any worse.

But good to know I was wrong. In the most pleasant and calm tone, yet saturated with great concern, Tail informed me, "Um Shepard. I believe that Thresher Maw's mucus is highly toxic." I stopped what I was doing, or rather trying to do, and stared at her blankly. "It is eating through our shields at an increasing rate."

I didn't mean to be sarcastic, but did she really think I wasn't struggling hard enough before? "I'm trying here dammit!" Was about all I could get out.

Making me feel even more incompetent, my quarian friend then serenely enlightened me, "May I suggest you remove the brake?"

"What?!"

Of course during my panic attack of getting out of there, I had accidently engaged the front brakes. We had been spinning our wheels like fools in front of the gigantic monster before us. Thank goodness, its aim on a moving object wasn't very good. Well I released the brake as fast as I could, and of course forgot to ease off the gas, which made the whole damn truck lunge forward. I tell you what, if looks could kill, Liara's scowl would have fileted me alive. That is one expression I never want to see again.

With all the commotion around me, it was a miracle I could hear anything at all. Joker was yelling at me about the mako suddenly moving again, Tali was informing me about how bad our shield's were, and the assault vehicle's alarms were going crazy. Yet above it all, Liara's voice rang loud and clear.

Her only words were, "Shepard, get us out of here!"

I was rushed, panic stricken and terrified. I didn't know what I was saying, but before my brain could process what my lips were speaking, I shouted back, "I'm working on it sugar butt".

Stunned by what just flown out of my mouth, I returned to the controls, praying the moment had passed. That is until my wonderful pilot quipped, "Um.. Shepard. Did you just call me…sugar butt?"

"No, no. Not you!" I shot back. But it only got worse as he retaliated, "Well I know you didn't call Tali that so…."

"Joker, unless you want a court marshal on your hands, I suggest you drop it and let me drive!" I didn't have the nerve to look at the asari by my side as Joker answered.

"Aye Aye Commander." I could hear him snickering under his breathe, "Normandy out."

Needless to say, I was able to retreat just in time to an area outside the range of the worm creature and repair the shields; twice. Settling down, I attuned myself with the mako before I re-entered the ring of death (the crater surrounding the marine's battle tank). The actual battle is pretty much a blur now. All I could think of was saving my squad from certain death.

After the mission, both Tali and Liara told me that they were impressed by my sudden ability to driving and fire the mako with precision. They said it was if I had unexpectedly become one with the truck; rather than it being a constant battle for control. I guess my basic extinct to survive kicked in, and I shredded that thing to hell.

Every since my stomach returned from the back of my throat, I have been contemplating, that the asari would have no idea what the ancient human slang meant. But every now and then, I get a vision of Tali looking it up on the extranet, just for fun, and telling her exactly what it meant. Good grief, you'd think I would be more upset about almost being eaten alive by my new best friend, a Thresher Maw.

You know you'd think that the Alliance would think it was particularly important to add pertinent information in their reports, like: WARNING A 60 METER SUBTERRANEAN CARNIVORE IS GOING TO EAT YOU ON THIS PLANET. PLEASE BE ADVISED AND USE CAUTION WHEN EXPLORING THE PLANET'S SERVICE! Is that really too hard to ask for? A little warning?

Commander Shepard of the 3rd Galactic Fleet Out -

P.S. My mom telecommed me a couple of days ago and wished me a Happy Earth Day. At first, I thought it was a little silly especially since we both spend so much time in space. But she reminded me, that it is our home away from home; even if we don't visit much. I guess she's right. I mean I couldn't imagine not having Earth to go back to whenever I wanted.


	28. Chapter 28 Feros

**Data Log Entry****: 21840429**

**2138 hours**

Captain Anderson contacted me a couple of days after leaving Noveria. He said he would provide more detailed information about Feros when it became available. Today I received his report about the planet he wanted the Normandy to visit.

Orbital Distance: 2.15 AU

Orbital Period: 3.2 Earth Years

Keplerian Ratio: .0971

Radius: 8,366 km

Day Length: 30.3 Earth Hours

Atm. Pressure: 5.44 atm

Surface Temp: 10 °C

Surface Gravity: 1.1 g

Mass: 1.879 Earth Masses

Feros: Located in the Milky Way Galaxy inside the Attican Beta Cluster within the Theseus System and is the Second planet from the sun.

Temperature 73 degrees – Rotation speed 18.2 clicks

Formally a cold climate, Feros is home to the largest, in tact, prothean city in the known galaxy. Although in a constant state of decay, the former prothean megatroplolis was colonized a few years back with some 300 human volunteers. The colonists have indicated that there is very little value in the prothean ruins. However according to the report, they are making a go of it anyway.

Captain Anderson reported that there hasn't been any communications with the colony for some time now. He's concerned that it might be another Eden Prime. My mission is to find out if Saren and his geth troops are on Feros and any other information that might lead us to finding out what this conduit is.

Anderson also recommended I take Professor T'Soni along. His reasoning being Feros was covered in prothean ruins, so having her on my landing party might prove extremely beneficial to the mission; with the added bonus that she might be able to decipher Saren's interest in the planet.

Joker informed me we should be entering Feros' orbit next Tuesday 06/5/2184. I'm glad we were already relatively in the same quadrant; just finished visiting Edolus, in the Sparta System. We are only two systems away from Feros.

I better get some shut eye. I'm going to have a long week preparing for what the mystery planet has in store for us.

Katherine J. Shepard

Commanding Officer SR1 Normandy

3rd Galactic Fleet


	29. Chapter 29 Zhu's Hope

**Chapter 29 - Zhu's Hope**

**Data Log Entry****: 218400513**

- 2247 hours

Feros: I don't even know how to begin. I guess my first clue that something really bad was happening on this planet was when our greeting party got his brains blown apart after saying hello. I didn't need my prothean expert to translate that into a bad day for me. The sinking feeling in my gut agreed. Feros was going to be a nightmare and I haven't gotten to the part about the psychotic plant yet, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

Once we made it past the geth's greeting party and into the heart of Zhu's Hope, we were immediately informed that Fai Dan wanted to see me. Although informed might not be the right word, after saying sorry for almost blowing our heads off because they thought we were geth, it was go see Fai Dan. I asked them, "How long you been here?" Their answer was, "Go see Fai Dan." Attempting to assess the compound's state of readiness I questioned, "Are you all right?" Again their confused answer was, "Go see Fai Dan." It was annoying to say the least.

At first, I thought the colonists might be suffering from fatigue or post traumatic stress from fighting. They were after all settlers, not soldiers. The few who did say a little more than 'go see Fai Dan' stated that they were suffering from chronic headaches. One woman was even bedridden from the pain. But after seeing everyone acting kind of twitchy it made me think otherwise.

While we meandered through the compound, I had Tali hack a Public Extranet Terminal. I swore if she turned around and it said, go see Fai Dan, I would have popped a cap in somebody's ass; since no one would even tell us where to find Fai Dan. But thankfully, my technological genius told me it was about a large number of supplies being delivered to an uncharted region; where to the best of my knowledge, there wasn't a living soul for several light years. Making it even odder was that she said it was encrypted with a top secret clearance. What was a message like that doing out in the middle of nowhere on a civilian settlement? I told her to make a copy so we could look into it later on.

This mission was getting weirder by the minute. I couldn't get a straight answer out of the colonists about what was going on. They kept telling me to see Fai Dan right away. And now, we find encrypted supply messages to remote parts of the galaxy.

I knew this planet was giving me the creeps but even Tali and Liara agreed. This was not a place I wanted to be.

Once I found Zhu Hope's leader, I discovered that he too was acting peculiar. I thought it was related to the fighting, but the hairs on the back of my neck were telling me something else. Fai Dan's assistant however did not seem to be affected like the others. In fact, Arcelia was acting like a royal bitch. She kept attacking me as if I was personally responsible for leaving them out there to die. If I didn't have bigger fish to fry, I would have let Liara send a warp right up her… (COMPUTER ANALYSIS INDICATED SEVERAL LETERS WERE DELETED FROM JOURNAL ENTRY, CODE 3428) Never mind.

In fact, I can barely keep my eyes open. I am exhausted after the day I've had. I will try to pick up again tomorrow after I've had some rest.

S- Out

Again


	30. Chapter 30 Go See Fai Dan

**Data Log Entry:**** 21840430**

**- 2312 hours**

Feros: I don't even know how to begin. I guess my first clue that something really bad was happening on this planet was when our greeting party got his brains blown apart after saying hello. I didn't need my prothean expert to translate that into a bad day for me. The sinking feeling in my gut agreed. Feros was going to be a nightmare and I haven't gotten to the part about the psychotic plant yet, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

Once we made it past the geth's greeting party and into the heart of Zhu's Hope, we were immediately informed that Fai Dan wanted to see me. Although informed might not be the right word, after saying sorry for almost blowing our heads off because they thought we were geth, it was go see Fai Dan. I then asked, "How long you been here?" My answer was "Go see Fai Dan." Attempting to assess the compound's state of readiness I questioned, "Are you all right?" Again my confused answer was, "Go see Fai Dan." It was annoying to say the least.

At first, I thought the colonists might be suffering from fatigue or post traumatic stress from fighting. They were after all settlers, not soldiers. But after seeing everyone acting kind of twitchy mad e me think otherwise.

A few of them stated that they were suffering from chronic headaches. One woman was even bed ridden from the pain.

Again I thought it was related to the fighting, but the hairs on the back of my neck were saying otherwise.

While we meandered through the compound, since no one could even tell where to find Fai Dan, I had Tali hack a Public Extranet Terminal. I swore if she turned around and it said, "Go see Fai Dan", I would have popped a cap in somebody's ass. But thankfully, my technological genius told me it was about a large number of supplies being delivered to an uncharted region; where to the best of my knowledge, there wasn't a living soul for several light years.

Making things even odder was that she said the message was encrypted with a top secret clearance. What was a message like that, doing out in the middle of no where on a civilian settlement? I told her to make a copy so we could check it out later. This mission was getting weirder by the minute.

Further annoying me was that I couldn't get a straight answer out of the colonists about what was going on. They kept telling me to see Fai Dan right away. Even Tali and Liara agreed that they were acting strangely. I knew this planet was giving me the creeps, but their behavior only solidified the fact, that this was not a place I wanted to be.

Once I found Zhu Hope's leader, I discovered that he too was acting peculiar however his assistant, Arcelia wasn't. I thought his second in command was acting like a royal bitch. She kept attacking me as if I was personally responsible for leaving them out there to die. If I didn't have bigger fish to fry, I would have let Liara send a warp right up her… **(COMPUTER ANALYSIS INDICATED SEVERAL LETERS WERE DELETED FROM JOURNAL ENTRY, CODE 3428)**Never mind.

Well, it's pretty damn late and I can barely keep my eyes open. I am exhausted after the day I've had. I will try to pick up again tomorrow after I've had some rest.

S- Out


	31. Chapter 31 Oops Dups

**Data Log Entry:**** 21840523**

**- 1507 hours**

VOICE RECORDING FROM VERIFIED SOURCE OF ONE COMMANDER KATHERINE JANE SHEPARD – COMMANDING OFFICER OF SR1 NORMANDY – 3RD GALACTIC FLEET

I really must have been tired, I just got a notice back from the Alliance saying I sent them the same data log entry twice… oops my bad.

Mental note to self – no more drinking Ryncol shots with Wrex and Tali before bed.

P.S. I was unable to muster up the courage, even in my slightly tipsy state, to ask Wrex about those damn missing poker chips. The procurement officer is really becoming a pain in the ass about it. He doesn't seem to realize they are not high on my priority list right now. But I will remind him, he needs to secure some more filters for Tali. I think she went through a months worth last night.

Shepard Out -


	32. Chapter 32 Mad Scientist

**Data Log Entry****: 21840527**

**- 0730 **

I thought I would be having breakfast with Liara this morning, but I guess she has decided to sleep in. Sitting on the mess decks alone, bored and a bit tired, as I didn't sleep well at all last night, I guess I pick up where I left off last night.

After making it to the other side of the causeway, which I thought I drove the mako just fine, Tali begged me to let her drive on the way back. I wasn't going to cave until Liara joined in.

Anyway on our way to ExoGeni Headquarters, we were lucky to come across a few survivors. They had bunkered down inside some storage area when the geth attacked. Once we got to talking instead of having more guns pointed in our faces, we were informed that they all worked for ExoGeni Corporation.

Their senior science officer, Ethan Jeong was very, very reluctant to provide any information about who they were, or why they were there. It appeared to me that Mr. Jeong would do anything to protect his company's reputation despite the complete annihilation occurring around them. He even threated me with a lawsuit if I removed anything other than the geth from their headquarters. Can you believe the nerve of some people?

Good thing there was another senior officer named Juliana Baynham present. She clearly had her head in the game. She seemed generally concerned for the safety of the other personnel over the company's interest. She also told us that her daughter that worked inside the ExoGeni's Headquarters was still missing. I told her we would look for her if possible.

_**COMPUTER ANALYSIS INDICATED A DELAY IN THE ENTRY. PLEASE NOTE 1.3 MINUTES PASSED BEFORE THE NEXT ENTRY WAS ADDED. **_

Damn, I was summoned to the bridge. Pressly must have something important. I will have to finish this up later.


	33. Chapter 33 ExiGeni HQ

**Data Log Entry****: 21840527**

**- 1015**

Now where was I? Oh yeah. After taking down a couple of geth troopers and juggernauts, much to Tali's satisfaction, we found Juliana's daughter or rather she found us by firing first. I swore if one more civilian pointed a gun at my face, that I was trying to help, I was going to shot first and ask questions later.

Anyway, it took a few minutes for me to lower my pistol after Liara barely got out of the way. I fought the instinctual urge to shoot back. She fired a shot at Liara, my Liara. Thankfully the young woman was scared half to death and I believed it when she said she thought we were geth coming after her. Willing to help stop the attack, she offered up information she thought might be have some use.

She told us about an ancient plant, called subject 37, the Thorian. She wasn't entirely sure why they wanted it but thought that since ExoGeni was studying it, perhaps they wanted to as well. Her info was vague but she seemed eager to help and gave us her ID badge to get inside. Just as my mind was about to stray back to Liara almost being shot, we were suddenly attacked by a pack of wild varren. Again having two of the best squad mates possible, we quickly put an end to those varmints and continued on our mission. The distraction was exactly what I needed to stay focused.

As we entered Exo Geni's Headquarters, there seemed to be geth invaders around every corner as we headed into the main level. Liara was really bothered by all the dead bodies left lying around; thanks to the initial geth attack. She said that Feros was once a great place for learning, and now it had become a place of slaughter. I could hear the terror in her voice. Unlike me, she hadn't see death on this scale before. I tried to remain strong but when she revealed that this place would haunt her dreams, it cut me to the quick. I know all too much about bad nightmares. It killed me to think she would have them as well. Pushing onward I thrust the disturbing thoughts away.

Heading up another stairwell, we heard a krogan arguing profusely with an A.I. He was furious with the console unit when it didn't answer his questions. Fearing that he might destroy the A. any second, we attacked. The krogan merc didn't stand a chance.

I used Lizbeth's access card to activate the A.I. where I was charmingly warned how it is not permitted to discharge a fire arm on company property. That cracked me up. No one said A.I.s were very smart, Tali commented. I was finally able to learn about ExoGeni's pet project; subject 37.

The synthesized voice said that ExoGeni was interested in subject 37, what he kept referring to it as, because it demonstrated mind altering characteristics in which the company wanted to study at length. Unknowingly the colonist at Zhu's Hope were their test subject. ExoGeni was working well outside the borders of council space and were using the Thorian for their own personal sick experiments.

Miss Baynham was also involved with the program, but had recently been placed on probation for her outburst; protesting the experiment. It was all starting to make sense. The reason the colonist were so itchy and they way that senior officer was behaving. He had more than his ass to cover. And the cherry on top was that the geth must have been sent after the Thorian. If Saren could control one person like Matriarch Benezia, I couldn't imagine what would happen if he could control hundreds of people with the help of 'Subject 37'. He had to be stopped right away. This kind of technology or pathogen, could not fall into the wrong hands.

We had to prevent the geth from reaching the Thorian, which I found out, without another weapon in my face, was located under Zhu's Hope. And to do that, I needed communications back up and running as soon as possible.


	34. Chapter 34 Pest Removal

**Data Log Entry****: 21840527**

**-1735**

Further inside the building, we saw that a huge geth dreadnaught was attached to the exterior of the ExoGeni building. I couldn't believe my eyes and I had no idea how to detach that thing. Thankfully my engineering genius and geth extraordinaire knew exactly what to do. Tali said that the geth was latched on by these enormous hooks. She said all we had to do was remove them. Yeah that simple statement caused more than one dirty glare from Liara and myself. Tali then said, "I didn't say it would be easy, I just said it could be done." I swear I heard her swallow hard at her own revelation. I knew this was going to be an unusual day but then again, when are my days, 'normal'.

I've been mentally linked to a 50,000 year old prothean device, willingly surrendered the life of one of my senior officers for the greater good, and killed the mother of my best friend, yeah, what's not normal.

Sometimes, I wonder why I even get up in the mornings. Anyway, back to the elongated report.

Just then, my prothean expert proved her weight in credits as she explained, "According to my research, this planet incurred a period of glaciation over fifty thousands years ago resulting in a frozen tundra of ice sheets. The protheans being incredibly brilliant realized they would need to use the interglacial period to fortify their infrastructure as it would only be a matter of time before the pendulum swung back, given the orbital position of Feros coupled with its atmosphere conditions." I think when Tali and I stood with gaping mouths, the over zealous professor realized we had no idea what she had just said.

"Feros was once a very cold planet with frequent cold storms. They developed these storm doors." Pointing to the entrance in which the geth arms were, Liara as enthused as Tali had been only a few minutes earlier excitedly added, "We only need to close the storm shutters." Nodding my head like I was the only one who hadn't lost it, I asked, "And exactly how do we do that?"

She looked around frantically. "There must be a terminal around here. It will activate the doors. They should be strong enough to cut through the metal arms." Upon dealing with another wave of unwanted guests, we found the terminal. It didn't take me long to get the doors to shut once I got the PSI count under 33 PSI. Our teamwork really paid off as the enormous geth dreadnaught unlatched and fell helpless to the ground below.

Now that the communications were back online, Joker was the first to hail me. I informed him what was going on and that we would get back as soon as possible. I also informed him not to let any of the colonists on board the Normandy regardless of their efforts to get on the ship.

Dr. Chakwas just messaged me. She says she wants me to come in for a 'routine' check up. I told her I was in the middle of a mission report.

Back to the mission, so I could hear stress in my pilot's voice so I teased him, letting him know things weren't that bad, "Besides you can't let anyone else on board, we don't have any vacant seats for movie night." He really liked that one..

Dr. Chakwas just messaged me again, she said that was not a request by the way. I'd better get going then. The last person you wanna piss off on the ship is your physician.


	35. Chapter 35 Huntress Shiala

**Fem Shepard's Data Logs**

A/N: If this chapter doesn't seem to flow fluidly after 34 – that is because I lost the original ch 35. This chapter was the next one written so if I am missing stuff.. sorry too heart broken to redo it.

**Data Log Entry****: 21840909 **

**- 0923**

I didn't sleep well last night and after a quick visit with Dr. Chakwas this morning, I wasn't the only member of the away team getting a sleeping aid. She didn't say anything, but I know that yesterday's events greatly affected the young Prothean Expert.

Thank goodness nothing special is going on today. In fact with Pressly's permission, I have crawled back in bed. He said I looked like I had been run over by the mako; that I was driving, what ever that is supposed to mean. If Dr. Chakwas hadn't been getting more coffee, she wouldn't have overhead my second in command's advice, and I would be up and about conducting my routine rounds. But what can I say, I didn't stand a chance against those two; besides my heart wasn't really in it today. I am content on forgetting about the galaxy in need of saving if even just for one day. The doc says my body and mind needs a break thus mandatory rest it is.

So lying in my bed, knees up, terminal in hand and comfortably situated in my N7 tank and shorts, I thought I would start back where I left off with last night's report.

After saving almost all of the colonists at Zhu's Hope we headed back into the ruins to find this mysterious plant creature. Not much if anything was known about the Thorian. During the quarian's exploration, Tali said they had never come across such a creature and Liara said that there was no record of the Thorian in either the asari or protheans records.

Making our way up the crumbling stairwells we encountered another ghastly creature. It looked like a dehydrated humanoid. It wasn't until we finished the first wave of them that I remembered seeing them before. They were there the first time I ran into the geth; back on Eden Prime. It was during my first mission under the watchful eye of the Citadel Council. Seeing them again didn't make it any easier even when their guts went flying. I couldn't help thinking that they were someone's mother or father once upon a time; at least when they were human.

Trying to lighten the already dismal mood, Tali joked about what the mystery plant was and "how bad could it be? It was only a plant after all." Laughing about it now, I remember Tali's comment as we stumbled across the gigantic plant. "Oh my," she said, "We are going to need bigger guns."

This thing was huge and ugly. Making matters worse, it threw up an asari commando. Which I'm glad to report ended up being a clone of Huntress Shiala; the former servant of Matriarch Benezia. To be honest, I was a little wigged out when she popped out of that pod looking like a pimple that burst. However she immediately started walking and talking like an asari, not the mindless spores we encountered earlier.

Our brief time together was strictly professional as she gave me the cypher that Saren was looking for, but I couldn't help but have an internal dialog the whole time. I was repeating certain statements she made in my head and doing the math over and over again. She had been with Matriarch Benezia for two centuries. Liara was only a hundred and some change. That meant she had to know who Liara's father was. I just knew it.

The two asari were being very formal at our meeting. They didn't touch or even address each other. But they must have known each other. While Shiala went on, I glanced over at Liara a couple of times and each time she looked down as if she were embarrassed. I wish I knew what their relationship was; if any.

From the corner of my eye, I felt Shiala look at me. It was the subtle manner in which a school teacher could tell you weren't fully paying attention. She kept using words like cypher, and Saren to rip my attention back to the current. Eventually stealing my entire focus was when she mentioned that Saren knows I am following his every move and that he will be expecting me. She warned me to stay safe and keep those around me safe as well. Her eyes immediately drew down on Liara. I just knew by the way the matron stared at her that there had to be some sort of connection. There was a great deal of concern in her emerald eyes.

Still a bit shaky, we escorted the deadly huntress back to Zhu's Hope. They were glad to receive her. They felt Shiala's centuries of training could pay off in helping rebuild and fortify the settlement. On the way back, I started to warn the commando about ExoGeni. She quickly silenced me and pointed to her temple. "I now know what you know commander. I will be careful."

Staring back at her green eyes, I realized the meld revealed more than just the cypher. Just then an overwhelming since of trust filled me as we both watched Liara walk past. I instinctively knew that this commando would protect my prothean expert with her very life. Combined with the small smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth and the flash in her eyes, she too knew I would do anything to keep Liara safe as well.

As Tali, Liara and myself headed back to the Normandy, I couldn't help but feel sorry yet happy for the asari huntress. She had been through so much in the last few months. But per her request, I couldn't think of a better place for her to rebuild than Zhu's Hope. They all seemed to be fighting so hard to make things better. Optimistically Shiala would have a better chance now of success with the colony since the water had been restored: the power cells were returned, the geth were eliminated and they had plenty of varren meat. Liara hoped Shiala would be ok with that, knowing the former servant to Benezia was mostly a vegetarian.

Well I am getting sleepy now. I think that shot Chakwas gave me is finally kicking in so I am going to end this entry. Nighty nite.

CDR Shepard Out-


	36. Chapter 36 Night Terrors

**Chapter 36 – Night Terrors**

**Data Log Entry****: 21840916**

**-0417**

Shortly after my evening rounds, I'd say around 2230, Liara asked if I wouldn't mind staying with her until she fell asleep. She said she had been having awful dreams since leaving Feros and just knowing someone was there would help her sleep. After I chuckled, she bashfully admitted that she preferred if it were me. I of course agreed, she and I had become close friends.

To be honest, if we weren't so pressed on stopping Saren, I dare to imagine where our relationship might go. Wow, just using the word 'relationship' even digitally feels weird to type. I mean we're just friends but the way I feel when I am around her is… I can't even put it into words. All I can express is that under my command, hell maybe even personally, I would protect her with my life if I had too. My hands and chest ache when I think of something bad happening to that young prothean expert.

In the rear of the med bay where the Professor had taken up shop, she managed to set up a cot in the back corner. I sat in one of the extra lab chairs and watched as she meticulously snuggled herself in the thick wool blanket she had borrowed from Chakwas.

As I witnessed her pale blue eye lids close for the last time, I replayed what she had told me about her nightmares. I won't go into detail about them, especially knowing the Alliance will probably be scrutinizing every word of these journal logs. But what I will say is that she said Feros would haunt her dreams. Now I realize I should never have taken her there. And if I wasn't so focused on her nightmares, I might have to acknowledge having them myself. I don't know how Shiala can remain there; just the thought of that place gives me the chills. I guess the good part of dragging Liara down there was how magnificent it was watching her toss those husk around like they were nothing.

Well after a couple of hours in medical's storage room, I woke up slumped half way off that chair I never want to sit in again. After heading back to my cabin, I realized I was wide awake and decided to jot down a quick entry. I was thinking that to hopefully try and make Liara feel better, perhaps I should schedule a surprise meeting in the conference room. I could invite everyone.

I thought we could show a little support for the asari culture and our residing prothean expert. On the big screen we could watch that asari movie Joker is always razing me about. Ok maybe not everyone. Liara already told me she doesn't like crowds, or people for that matter. Maybe just staff and the other squad members should come. Yeah that sounds great. I can't wait to get started.

Shepard Out


	37. Chapter 37 Movie Night

**Data Logs: 21840923**

Well, movie night didn't go as hoped. Everyone that I invited showed up; even Adams made it being a few minutes early. Joker was the last to arrive and as he hobbled in the door, I was broadcasting the name of the movie that he had so eagerly suggested. With a bright smile on my face, I can remember announcing it like a proud parent. "So tonight in honor of Professor T'Soni, our residing prothean expert, we are going to be celebrating a little of the asari culture by watching a movie from her home planet, that Joker assures me is a film Liara and myself should not go another day without watching."

I should have known then, by how quickly my esteemed pilot made a B line to the door that something was awry. "Ladies and Gentlemen without further ado, I Commander Shepard, Commanding Officer of the Normandy, present Vaenia!" I remember why I never make big elaborate speeches. And after tonight, I don't think I will attempt another one again.

I guess withholding the title name to everyone including Liara was a bad idea; a very bad idea. Making it worst was when my young quarian friend knew more about the film then I did. She said, "Shepard," in her snarky synthesized voice, "I could have told you about the 'kind' of film you were about to watch." If it were possible, I swear she snorted when she spoke.

By the second scene I was so far under my chair with embarrassment, I dared not look in Liara's direction. I attempted to stop it but with Garrus, Wrex and my procurement officer's protest, I left it running. Needless to say Liara and I did not have our evening walk after the film. She luckily received an important message at her terminal half way through the movie and didn't return.

For the record Joker will be pulling double shifts for a week.

Shepard Out


	38. Chapter 38 Sleepless Night

**Data Log Entry: #21840930 **

**-2227**

To my surprise, I just got a knock on my door. Good thing I was awake working on my mission reports. It was Professor T'Soni. She said she was worried about falling sleeping. She has been having horrible nightmares, although she won't go into detail about them, she asked if she could stay here tonight. Who could say no to those deep blue eyes? I couldn't. I told her she could take the bed, but she insisted on taking the couch. It's good to be captain, I outranked her and it didn't take long for the exhausted looking asari to be out.

I wouldn't be able to sleep myself. I've been tossing and turning so much lately, the sheets aren't even on my bed anymore. I finally decided to at least do something good with these endless nights. I'm behind with the mission reports, but who likes doing paperwork, besides Pressly. I swear he fills his out before the mission starts. You'd think by the 21st century, they would have eliminated paperwork.

**-0017**

Well I'm caught up now, but for some reason, I can't seem to convince my brain it's nighty night time. I'd go make a quick round of the ship but every time I stand up, Liara rustles. It's like she can tell I'm about to leave. I've been watching her for a while now and she actually looks very peaceful. It's kind of weird; I've never watched anyone sleep before. She looks so angelic, so beautiful. Lying there so still, only her chest rising and falling with each breathe are her only signs of being alive.

Not that I put much thought into, but she isn't sleeping the way I envisioned. I don't know what I was thinking, it's not like Prothean Experts have a particular sleeping pattern. Good grief, I must be tired. Anyway, she's curved slightly on her back with her dominate handle cradling her cheek. I imagined if she were sitting up, her head would be resting against that hand, but as it is now, her fingers are barely grazing her skin. One of her legs is half up, like she is ready to pounce at any second. I wonder if she ever truly relaxes. I can't imagine being down on those dig sites. You never know when or what is coming at you.

I was just looking at her boots sitting at the foot of the bed. She got in there so fast, I didn't even see what she wears under them. That's an interesting thought, do asari even wear socks? I just made myself chuckle at the thought of her running around as a child sliding on the floors in white socks. I bet Benezia just loved that; especially if company was visiting.

I must be tired, my mind just started running wild. Like do her scales cover her entire body, what do they feel like, does she have a belly button? Does she sweat? Wait, yes she does. I remember her sweating after one of our earlier missions where she used her biotics a great deal. I remember thinking she looked so cute, all exhausted. Goddess, that feels like years ago.

Shit, I just looked at the time, how did it get to be 2:30? Where did the last two hours go? I need to at least try and get some sleep. Good thing I've fallen asleep on that couch more times then I care to admit. Thank goodness Anderson has great taste, it is pretty comfortable. I just wish it was a bit wider. Well here I go. Good night security officer in the Alliance who's reading this.

Commander Shepard - 3rd Galactic Fleet Out -


	39. Chapter 39 Dumb Things

**Data Logs: #21841007**

**-0930**

I had a very interesting conversation this morning over our typically late breakfast with Liara this morning. After Joker hobbled by and I bore him the 'I'm still not talking to you' look, she explained the mating rituals of the asari. I was going to stop her but she made it sound so scientific. Then she went into how contact isn't even necessary. She told me about an ancient warrior who was dying after battle and her lover conceived a child while she died in her arms. It was quite touching but how the hell was I supposed to contribute to that kind of conversation?

Well as normal, she quickly dismissed herself after hardly eating. She said she had work to do. I was kind of bummed I didn't get to greet her first thing this morning, but when my alarm went off, I let her sleep while I showered then made my morning rounds. By the time I got back, she was gone. Is it bad, part of me kind of wishes she come back tonight? I have to admit, I slept pretty good last night. In fact, best sleep I've had in weeks.

**-1500**

Ok so I don't know what I was thinking. I guess perhaps I wasn't really. I must have been in a daze. I'm sitting here in medical with seven stiches in my forehead that Dr. Chakwas put in. She is keeping me a while for observation. Not because of the laceration but as she bluntly put it so kindly, "my stupidity". She couldn't understand why I would accuse Wrex Urgnot of stealing the missing poker chips.

The good doctor even put me through a cat scan and she said the results are good. She wanted to ensure I was still medically fit to be in command; another delightful phase directly from her lips. She said she couldn't believe that not only had I asked him when I was alone, or that I was completely unprepared, but I dared confront him about it. Like I said, I wasn't thinking, and just causally inquired about it. I was after all simply returning from the engine room looking for Tali when I saw the lone krogan.

I can only imagined what the doc's face looked like when Wrex carried my limp body into medical. I evidently needed reprimanded by her as how my actions can cause a chain of reactions. Driving her point further was a recently sedated Professor T'Soni lying in the bed next to me. Chakwas said Liara passed out when she walked out of the back and saw the Battlemaster carrying me with I guess a fair amount of oozing blood dripping down my face. Based on the ice bag on her forehead now, it wasn't a good reaction.

Now before the Alliance goes after my buddy Wrex, let me explain what happened. So as I said earlier, I was exiting engineering after looking for Tali who I guess I had missed by a few minutes. I saw Wrex going through some crates we picked up at our last supply drop. I was having a good day so I headed over there. He was half in and half out one of the large gunner boxes when I asked about the poker chips. I don't think I was accusing. At least I don't think I sounded that way.

Back to the story, after I asked the question, he popped out of the crate pretty fast. Ok for the record, let's just put this in plain English. Wrex is a pretty big guy and if he all of the sudden startled you because he was holding a Grenade Launcher, even if you accidently accused him of stealing some measly poker chips that really had no value, compared to your life, that would scare the hell out of anyone. In layman terms, what happened was when he suddenly popped up out of the crate, it spooked me, and I stumbled backwards wracking my head on a wooden crate.

Now as you smart Alliance people know, the human head bleeds pretty bad, even if the injury isn't that bad. For some reason it just like to squirt out like your in a 21st Century horror movie; red warm liquid everywhere.

So it is completely understandable that when Tali finally returned to the lower decks, that she would pull the alarm when she saw Wrex leaning over my bloody body. Compounding the situation, according to Dr. Chakwas, was when the krogan, with my blood all over his hands tried to explain that I was only asking about some stolen poker chips that sent my young friend in a screaming frenzy back to the engine room. I was told that Garrus is now consoling Tali in the mess hall with a great deal of dextro-proteins.

Damn my head hurts but not because of the wound, I swear I think Dr. Chakwas put something on there that stings a hell of a lot. That's her way of punishing me. I just know it. I remember that one time, she said she 'accidently' gave me that cream for my…um nevermind.

Well all is calm on the Normandy; for now. Pressly has the comm and I'm stuck in the medical. Oh crap, I'd better go. Here comes Dr. Chakwas now.

Shep Out

**A/N:** Has anyone ever noticed the data log dates coincide with the dates the chapter actually posted?


	40. Chapter 40 Chips, Lizards & Betrayal

**Data Log Entry:**** # 21850310**

Sorry bored Alliance Officer who has to read these journal logs. It has been some time since I've written, but let's face it, I get pretty busy being the commanding officer of an Alliance Vessel chasing down a trader to the galaxy. Saren Artemis I have not forgotten you.

I was just thinking back to when I had informed my Navigator; Pressly about the Wrex/Poke Chip incident. He nearly spit out his coffee during lunch. The jury is still out if he was amused or angry about it. However, after the scuttlebutt I've been hearing lately, I think he's in the same boat with Chakwas. He thinks I've lost my bloody mind. Honestly I don't know how these rumors spread around.

Well once Pressly's face returned to its natural color he said that he had no idea who would have the poker chips; mainly since they held no actual currency value. He said he would ask around but truly had no idea especially since no one had been bragging about having them anyway.

I guess that also marks him off my list of suspects as well, not that I really imagined he had them. I just can't image who has them. But I did learn some very interesting things about my acting XO. He has a lizard fetish. He even has one in his cabin. He said I could come by later and take a look at it. Not quite my thing, lizards and all, but it seem to make him happy talking about it. I will try to find some time later tonight.

I also got a call from my mom today. It seemed very out of the blue and she kept asking how I was doing. I am beginning to wonder if Chakwas contacted her recently. I will have to take a look at her outgoing messages. And if that doesn't answer my question then a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy should loosen those lips. At least it's worked like a charm in the past.

Gotta run – work to be done.

Commander Shepard out.


	41. Chapter 41 Cerberus Threat

**Data Log Entry****: # 21850304**

**1400 hours**

I was making my afternoon rounds today when Joker hailed me to the bridge for an urgent incoming message. When I got there is was Admiral Hackett of the Fifth Fleet himself. To be honest, I was surprised to be speaking with such a noble war officer. In his right, he was a living war hero. I hope it didn't show how kind of nervous I was.

The admiral requested that the Normandy go on a top secret, as in even the Alliance wasn't to know, mission. We were to investigate a possible Cerberus threat. His team was able to decrypt a data pad I collected on Feros. He informed me that the data pad included coordinates to a secret Cerberus outpost. Supposedly there were large quantities of supplies and equipment being delivered there. The admiral's secret task force speculated that they were gearing up for some sort of massive attack.

Hackett went on to tell me that Cerberus had to be stopped. In his own words he stated, "This would be a great opportunity for the Alliance to deliver a critical blow to those terrorist who masquerade as a human special interest group."

Once we gained control of the outpost, we were able to destroy the transmission station there but the place looked abandoned like they knew we were coming. I can't even remember the name of the outpost, or even if Joker had informed me of the name of the planet we landed on. But what I do remember clearly are those damn husk and those shiny spikes they come from. Liara sure saved my ass a couple of times down there. Thank God for those biotics.

When we finished there wasn't much Intel to be collected, like I said earlier, the placed looked bugged out.

All that remained was a great deal of space and a few worthless crates, even the terminals had been wiped clean. I don't think I have ever seen Tali quite so frustrated. It looked professional even by military standards. There wasn't even as much as a cup of coffee remaining.

My meager findings didn't see to surprise the admiral as much as I thought it would. My gut tells me that there is something bigger going on over my head or my rank. With chasing that rogue spectre around the universe I don't have time to dwell on it.

~ Shepard Out

I nearly forgot, the Normandy is heading back to the Counsel Space. I reported my findings from Feros and Huntress Shiala to the counsel. I was instructed to return to the Citadel immediately. They wanted to hear my report in person concerning Saren. The Counsel members stated that if I had evidence that supported the accusations against Saren, then they wanted the Normandy leading the charge. Finally feeling like I am getting somewhere with them.


End file.
